Radio

So Cory told me once that the reason why so few people comment on my blog as compared to his is because I don't have any fun or light stories, mine are all to heavy. I took that to heart and have been trying to come up with some fun stories... but I don't really have any, at least not that are appropriate for grandparents to read. The kids I watch say funny funny things.

Anyway, so here is another not so light post, but it is happy.

I was driving home yesterday after a long day at the Liskey house. Ben had played his guitar. I had gotten to play with Lucy. That never happens. I had a good meal. So I was driving and a song came on the radio that I have always liked. And I am not going to explain the rest of the song, but the lyrics that struck me yesterday were,

"She said it's gonna be alright
Cause God made a way through the pain and he opened her eyes"

So anyway a thought struck me after singing that set of lyrics. I am in a good mood. I am happy. Now I am not a big fan of the word happy (it's temporal, I prefer joy, seems longer lasting, but that is the thought quote). This was kind of a odd discovery. I have been fine for a long time. But I wouldn't say that I have been in a good mood for several years. I certainly wouldn't say that I felt joyful for a really long time.

There is much that is not so great in my life now. Like the mysterious stabbing pain that has plagued the lower left side of my back for several days now, and exhaustion from late nights with a good, but very small bladder-ed dog. But I am happy. I feel freer that I have felt in a long time. I don't really know how to explain. God has opened my eyes and I see that there is joy.

More song lyrics, because they consume my free time....

"And now I'm sunny with a High of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light
And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive"

Baby

I have a new baby for those of you that didn't know. Her name is Callista (Callie). She is a tiny one or two pound Chihuahua. She is cute, but the training stuff is not so easy. She is really smart, but is so young. Here she is.

Martyr

Last summer I discovered Ted Dekker when I started reading THR3E. It is an amazing psychological thriller, which I must say are my favorite types of fiction. When I heard there was a new book by Dekker coming out that they compared to THR3E, I was really excited. So I promptly headed to my local library to pick it up while I had a chance to sit and read for a few days. Much to my chagrin, it hadn't come into the library yet. So I put my name on the top of the wait list and headed to pick out some other Dekker books.

I started reading The Martyr's Song yesterday and finished it just a few minutes ago. It is only 113 pages, but it packs a punch. Throughout the text it describes a priest going back and forth between a heaven-like world and the earthly world. While in this heavenly world, Dekker describes a song which is sung in this world. He writes some of the lyrics in the text. I knew when I picked up the book there was a CD in the back. I could hardly wait to finish the book so I could listen to the song they had created. I highly recommend this book. It is a quick read and the song makes it totally worth it.

The Martyr's Song

-By Todd Agnew

Sing! O son of Zion! Shout! O child of mine!

Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind!

I’ve been waiting to dance with you in fields full of colors you’ve never seen.

And I’ve been waiting to show you beauty you never dreamed

That’s always been in you.

And I’ve been waiting...

To see you tremble as you’re embraced

By a world saturated with My love.

And I’ve been waiting for The Day

When at last I get to say, “My child, you are finally home.”

Sing! O son of Zion! Shout! O child of mine!

Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind, for you are finally home!

I’ve been waiting to watch you realize what all your longing was for.

I’ve been waiting to show you the thread of grace

that ran through all your pain. And I’ve been waiting...

to let you drink the water of which your greatest joy on earth

Was just a taste.

I’ve been waiting for the day when at last I get to say,“My child, you are finally home.”

Sing! O son of Zion! Shout! O child of mine!

Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind!

Sing! O daughter of Zion. Cry out! O child of mine!

Dance with all the strength that you can find...for you are finally home!

Every tear you cried dried in the palm of My hand.

Every lonely hour was by my side.

And every loved one lost, every river crossed—

Every moment, every hour was pointing to This Day...

I’ve been longing for This day!

I’ve been waiting to dance with you in fields full of colors you’ve never seen.

And I’ve been waiting to show you beauty you never dreamed

That’s always been in you. And I’ve been waiting...

To see you tremble as you’re embraced

By a world saturated with My love.

And I’ve been waiting for The Day

When at last I get to say, “My child, you are finally home.”

Sing! O son of Zion! Shout! O child of mine!

Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind!

Sing! O daughter of Zion. Cry out! O child of mine!

Dance with all the strength that you can find...

for you are finally home!...

for you are finally home!

Camp

I am not sure I could even begin to start describing camp this year. It was without a doubt the single most difficult week I have ever had with these children. I was beyond exhausted and ready to quit.

However, two days later with a little rest and a great deal of hindsight. I have developed an even greated passion for these children. My life, must, in some way, be spent giving these children a hope and a future. I was to be Jesus to these kids.

I want them to be more than a file folder amongst 30,oo0 files. I want each of these children to understand that they are loved and that someone, even if I am the only one, is looking out for them, loves them, and can be trusted. I will help B******s and D******s of the world. And with God's grace and power, these children will be shown the love they deserve and have an opportunity to meet their ultimate father, who loves them unconditionally.

I may post with some more information about camp if asked for it. But I just wanted to share the excitement I have again.

Idiocy

I relapsed into stupidity. I hate when I slip back into an old idiotic personality. Then I am left with the damage I have caused and the disappointment I feel in myself when I behave poorly.

Cause I don't want you to know where I am
Cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it’s ever been
And this is no place to try and live my life
Stop right there
That’s exactly where I lost it
See that line
Well I never should've crossed it
Stop right there
Well I never should've said that
It’s the very moment that I wish that I could take back

Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

-Who I am hates who I've been, Relient K

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow upon hearing what I did,
I'll stare at you in disbelief
Oh inconsistent me! ...
crying out for consistency

-Let it all out, Relient K

Never

I never realized how much I was craving a little bit of time just hanging out with friends.

Carrie and I went to a softball game tonight. It was great. Aside from being petrified anytime the ball was hit or the bat was thrown I really enjoyed the game. Several boys from my high school youth group was there. It was really entertaining to revisit some old memories. Several of them contained our crazy antics and Carrie's frustration. Like beating Brad with a plastic blow-up hammer when he was screwing around too much. Or cramming the entire 20 foot sanctuary Christmas tree into one box. Or never letting Carrie live down the "Christmas Party" which actually was taking down the Christmas decorations in the church. Or really creepy people who seemed to follow us wherever we decided to mission trip. Like the large woman who slept entirely in the nude or the creepy man who liked to hug me and touch me a little too much.

We cheered on the Methodist Church team and laughed at each other. Carrie and one of my best friends from high school and his little brother went for some fast food and returned to the field and looked at the stars. It has been a long time since I have been able to have uninterrupted hang-out time with Carrie. I missed it a lot. She is so fun. All around it was a great night. Responsibility free and acting my own age. Delightful! It was great to be surrounded by friends.

Today

• A very newly married friend of mine commented on a picture I was in. Reminding me how blessed I am to know her and to have had her share her life with me during my college years.
• I had a very severe heart attack, as the oldest of the children in my crawled into the house crying uncontrollable. He had fallen off the tree he was swinging on and his rib hurt really bad. He has asthma and I couldn't get him to calm down enough to slow his breathing. Very intense several minutes. He is OK, thankfully, but I certainly have aged quite a bit.
• I bought a gadget. I love gadgets. I bought a speaker set for my iPod. It is also an alarm clock and a radio, with remote! I really love all things electronic!
• I woke up at 12:30 today. That was amazing. I slept over 12 hours, I guess I really was tired. I felt about 1000 times better today due to the sleep.
• The third child in my charge sat in my lap for about an hour and played with my hair. I love it when he does this. He went from really disliking me last year to really liking me. It gives me such joy. He even told me he liked my glasses and asked me to put them on when I took them off when I had finished writing.
• I watched a little bit of Star Wars and actually paid attention. I have never been too interested in these movies, but when it is being explained by a three year old, it takes on a totally different light.
• I have rediscovered Care Bears. I have watched the same two tapes four times in the last three days. I love them. I think I would like to have a "Care Bear Stare"
• I am still unable to get an application for myself for Royal Family. I am actually beginning to fear that I may not be able to go. I would break my promise to one of the girls and I can't handle that.
• I rectified my recent crappiness today. I apologised and worked hard to make sure that I was more pleasant and less harsh with everyone. Seems to be going well. Maybe sleep and wellness aid that effort.
• I worked a little bit more transferring the TMS cards onto 3x5 note cards so I can read them better, but I have yet to have worked on my contact book. Maybe sometime I will get to that.