Update

Well, the diet is going well. I am down 16.7 lbs as of this morning. So that's great. We are over half way there and I discovered one major thing I was neglecting to do. I need, absolutely need, to be drinking no less than 4 bottles of water every day.
And for those who are wondering, We have it narrowed down to a 3 day cycle of vegetables, totaling 6 total vegetables that are acceptable on this diet, that I can handle. (The obvious choices like green beans, peas, carrots, broccoli, etc are not allowed on this diet.) So for lunch we are cycling through celery, lettuce, and cucumber and for dinner we are cycling through sauteed onion, (grilled for Chris) raw tomato, and grilled zucchini.

I am eating chicken for lunch and steak for dinner with an occasional crab legs or shrimp for dinner. Chris goes back and forth between tilapia and chicken for lunch and the same dinner as me.
Chris's mom got us a New Wave Oven. Check it out. It's amazing. I use it literally every day. I cook that night's dinner and tomorrow's lunch at the same time using the two different levels of grilling surfaces that it features. 9 Minutes on one side, flip and add veggies, 9 minutes on the other side. And I pack our lunches for the next day while it's cooking.
Another wonderful surprise as warmer weather approaches, I found some decent looking strawberries at Costco and bought a couple of pounds of them. Oh my, are they ever delicious. We are using Stevia (an all natural sweetener, 0 calories) and we dip the strawberries in it, slight after taste, but still delicious. And a nice break from the apple and oranges every day.
I also started making a warm apple desert to break up the monotony. I found the recipe that was approved by the diet. I grill thin apple slices on the New Wave for 5 minutes. Then dump them into a bowl add a teaspoon of lemon per apple and coat with cinnamon and Stevia. Oh my, is that ever a delicious treat now that we can't seem to get our heater to work the way its supposed to. Warms you up inside and out.
I have also rediscovered a slight love affair with tea. I think our counter now has about 10 different hot tea flavors (for me) and 2 boxes of cold brew ice tea (for Chris). We sweeten that with Stevia as well, and it tastes just like the sweet tea I discovered at McDonalds or that Chris grew up with.
Now, all that aside, we eat well, but the lack of variety is getting to us a little, I have been obsessing over healthy food blogs lately and am salivating at the idea of the many many many recipes that I have found and Chris has been becoming a theoretical master of all things Sushi with books and Internet videos. We are both anxious for the diet to be over. So much so, that for the last 3 nights I have dreamed of baking and making other delicious food. Last nights dream, was a low carb, high fiber pasta, in a wonderfully acceptable portion with a vegetable side. I could almost taste it.
Our diet ends technically on April 13th. Then we will resume eating normal healthy foods. Chris will likely be done with his weight loss by that point in time, but I will still have a significant portion to go, so after 3 weeks of eating normally, I will begin again on May 4th. Just after our 1st year anniversary. I'll be ready for a delicious meal on that day. I will be finishing on July 3rd, while we are in California visiting Chris's family. Hopefully by that point in time, I will be at my goal weight and will not have to begin another round.
It's definitely been an adventure and will be even more of one once Chris is eating normally and I am dieting on my own, but the results are totally worth it. He promised me some custom ballroom dresses, when I reach the weight I want to be, so that is a fun motivation when I start to get down.
Well, I'm off to guzzle down another water before I'll allow myself to have some tea. And get back to writing the sermon for the Children's Sabbath.

Winner

(Not our dinner, just an example, our portions are much smaller)

So, I was extremely stressed about this diet. I was dreading eating, because of all the veggies. However, we finally found a winner. Steak with sauteed onion! Yum! I actually enjoyed eating dinner tonight. Which is a big step towards the direction of sticking out the diet. Tomorrow is celery with chicken for lunch. Then steak and grilled tomato for dinner. Slowly but surely, we'll keep experimenting until we find some good mixes. But I am definitely relieved after dinner tonight. Yum.

Vegetables

So, if you know me at all, you know I have been battling vegetables all my life. I am officially at the make it or break it point. I have to eat 8 oz of veggies twice a day. Which may not seem like a whole lot, but when the most you have ever eaten in a day is 6 green beans and that was about 16 years ago, that is kinda of a staggering amount.

So last night, as Chris and I were weighing out 3.5 oz portions of steak, chicken, and fish. (Our freezer at this point, only has these portions of meat and vegetables and is completely full.) I was also blanching and freezing asparagus and zucchini in 8 oz portions. And steaming some asparagus for lunch today. So, in just a few hours the first battle begins. I have a little flexibility in the veggies I can eat, so there will be lots of experimentation.

But, I have 40 days of 8 oz twice a day, so I will either learn to like them of simply have to grin and bear it.

Here's to finally growing up and becoming a big girl!

Update: Lunch - Seriously, a lot of asparagus for one meal. And I tried, I really did. I gagged like a six year old, but I couldn't get it all down. But I did eat 14 pieces. Which still makes me pretty proud. Tonight is a salad, so I'm off the hook for today. After the diet, we might eat asparagus more often, but in MUCH smaller quantities.

Beautiful

There is nothing I struggle with more than my self-image. I don't feel beautiful. But, there are lots of great songs from other people who understand the struggle and I cling to those songs. This is the most recent one I have heard. Actually on a veggie tales movie about self-image. Yeah, it gets that bad.

Beautiful For Me



Then there are some old favorites.

More Beautiful You



Beautiful



Mirror

Goal

As of today...





I have lost 6.7 pounds since August 7th.
12.9% of my goal is complete.
I am measuring various aspects of my body as well, but have not had enough time go by yet to check for a difference.
I biked 10 miles and ran 2 miles today.
Which puts me a 60 miles when combined with last week.
I feel better and stronger and have much more energy.
I have an extremely hard time going to sleep at night (my body just won't shut down). My poor husband is tired of this problem, as I hate to be awake alone.
I will probably start setting an earlier alarm to see if that will make me sleep at night.
My back is stable. It was in bad shape before I started and maybe is a little bit better, but that depends on the time of day.
I am trying to eat approximately 1200 calories a day. Some days more, some days less. It creates incentive for me to cook at home because it is much easier to control my calories at home.
I have rediscovered hunger. I haven't really been hungry in years. I ate whenever it was suggested or a normal meal time arrived never really given time for hunger to develop.
I eat a great deal of protein now because it helps hold back the hunger.
I have heard many times, "Eat to live, don't live to eat." I am now understanding what that means. It really amazes me how little I need to eat in a day (comparatively) to get by and keep up with my increasing workouts. And, I have begun to really feel the "eat to live aspect" about an hour before meal time on lower calorie days, I can feel my mind and body start to get sluggish. Then it's meal time and everything picks back up.
All in all truly understanding the idea of portion control and making my body perform as my mind wills it.

Abnorm

Not my normal post to post about politics, or even to read much about politics, but the pastor of my church was asked to write about his thoughts on prop 8. Here's what he said. Let me know what you think.

I will say Chris and I had a moment of pause after our wedding, realizing that we were married in the eyes of God, but not yet in the eyes of the government, because we did not even sign until we had returned from Michigan. That part of his answer made a very clear distinction in my mind, which made for a clear distinction in the reversal.

FYI: I biked 8.5 miles today at 17 miles per hour and am headed home to run 1.5 miles at 6 miles per hour.

Scale

The scale and I have not been on friendly terms lately. So, I am working hard to become at least acquaintances by Kevin and Annie's Wedding. After all, who wants to be on a beach in a swimsuit when they feel more like a beached whale than a woman. I am started working out again this week and really being careful with what I eat. The eating is far more difficult for me. I eat when I am bored and I eat when I am upset. I have a far larger stomach capacity then most people I know. I could eat and eat and eat and never get full. Bad combination. So I have been trying to be very careful. Much smaller portions of the dinners I make for Chris and very very very small meals during the rest of the day. Yogurt and Nature Valley Bar have been my friends the last few days.

The working out is much easier. Takes only a limited amount of motivation. I have to get myself psyched to get on the bike or the treadmill, but after that I am done. Don't have to coach myself beyond that like I do every time food rears its ugly head. There is a bike in my office at the church now. I hop on it right before I head home. Today I rode for four miles. I will then drive home and try to ignore the roast in the crock pot and go for a run on the treadmill and likely do at least one mile on there. Then, I can check out of exercise world for the day and read to my husband while he puts up the siding.

Now, the part that is really not fun. I know I have to build some muscle before I lose weight. So as I work out and eat very little, I watch the scale go up little by little and I get super frustrated. I might even like to break it's little glass face. But, I know that it will eventually go down after a while. I just hope the motivation of "getting started" lasts until the motivation of "results" begins. I may post some progress once I begin to see it.

By the way, my poor husband is struggling to figure out the appropriate response. I can see his brain working. If I tell her she doesn't need lose weight then I won't be supporting her and doing what's in her best interest. If I tell her I think it's good she is trying to lose weight then she will wrongly assume I don't find her attractive. Poor guy. And what's worse, I go back and forth on the reaction I want to hear, so I can't even give him a hint of what I need to hear. Oh the plight of being a newly married man. Dear sweet man.

Very soon, there will be a sickeningly sweet post of just how amazing he is and all the wonderful things he does for me. Just thought I would prep you.

Ignorant

I realize we haven't been married very long but in the last few weeks some things have started to click. You see, the first two and a half months of Chris and my marriage was not exactly what I had imagined. We bickered a great deal about almost everything and I found I had a shorter and shorter fuse because this was not the blissful marriage I had imagined. After about a week of silent tension, I would usually explode and tell him all the things that were wrong with our marriage. Now, our dating life was not much different, but there is an extra level of stress and frustration added when the idea in the back of your head is "for the rest of my life." I could only focus on something is not right. This is not how he is supposed to relate to me. We were both frustrated. He was trying to meet the needs I was telling him that I had. He was being more romantic everyday. I saw that, but something else was missing. Neither one of us could figure it out. He was doing everything he knew how and everything I was telling him I needed, and I was doing everything I knew how. I was writing him notes in his lunch, planning special dinners, and getting little surprises for him, etc. I was loving him the only way I knew how.

This is where the problem arose. You see, I had been taught since a very young age how a man was supposed to treat a woman. He is supposed to cherish her, open doors, adore her, buy her flowers, plan surprises, plan dates, etc. But, I had never learned in specific terms how a woman was supposed to treat a man. I don't know why this lesson seems to be overlooked, but it was. I grew up with a sharp tongued family, with the exception of my mother. It was sport in our family to conjure up a hurricane of words and see who was the last one standing. Now, I should say, there was a line that we were all familiar with that was not meant to be crossed. We could all play this game most of the time without feelings getting seriously hurt. It was just in fun. I also have spent a great deal of time with children. Correcting them on their mistakes to try to help them grow to be better adults. And with this well-meaning, but nasty combination I approach my dear husband.

When I was upset, I would tell him exactly what was on my mind and hold very little back. I would basically tell him he was responsible for fixing what was wrong in our relationship. I would belittle him about those pesky man habits (i.e. un-balling his socks, putting dishes in the dishwasher instead of the sink, putting clothes in the hamper). In my mind I was trying to be helpful. I didn't mean to belittle him, I was trying to use some humor to lesson the blow, but it wasn't coming across that way. Without realizing it, I was doing the very thing he told me he feared most about getting into a relationship with me. I was using my tongue to hurt him. Although, it was not in the overt slicing and dicing method that we both feared. It was more subtle and much more damaging because I couldn't see it happening. You see, I knew how to love my husband unconditionally. I did love him with all my heart, but I did not know how to honor or esteem my husband.

Kevin gave Chris and I a book for Christmas called Love and Respect. I was reading a book at the time and put it next on the read list. Well, I got to about a chapter and a half before the wedding and hadn't had time to pick it back up again. But I had been feeling called to read it. So I found it again and put it in my line of sight so that if I ever had extra time I would pick it back up. The concept had been working me for a few days after one of our worst stand offs in which we both just said, "I don't know what to do or how to fix this." And one day after vacation bible school, I climbed into the tub and began reading. I was terribly convicted and saw right away, my wonderful husband had been diligently working on our marriage and I saw it, but my only response was to criticize. I realized that the missing link in our marriage was not the romance factor as I once assumed, it was my attitude and treatment of Chris.

I didn't ever let him know how greatly I appreciated him, how hard he worked to provide for me, how hard he worked on the house, how much effort he put into trying to appease my every criticism, and most of all how he loved me unconditionally despite my negativity towards him. Once I decided that I was going to be his biggest fan and make sure he knew it everyday, then things began to change. Not so much in the way Chris related to me, although it seems as though I am much easier to love when I am not so negative. But, I went from finding almost everything my husband did horribly annoying and frustrating to now having a hard time coming up with anything that frustrates me about him.

I have always been terrified of going into a relationship with rose colored glasses and then finding something scary when they came off. But I did the exact opposite with Chris. I went into the relationship seeing each and every one of his faults and then in the process, I became something scary. So, after almost three months of marriage I have decided to put my rose colored glasses on. I have decided to only focus on the amazing parts of my husband and how wonderful he is. I have decided to encourage, uplift, and strengthen my husband with my words. Now I will say I am only about a week into this process and I'm sure I will struggle with my tongue. It always has been one of my biggest downfalls, but I am blessed to have God intervened so quickly in our marriage so that this cycle would not have continued longer and created bigger walls and resentment. I have never felt more in love with him or more connected to him. He is my superman, my jack-of-all-trades, my knight in shining armor, my price charming, and my everything.

Random

It's been a long time. But, in my defense, its been busy. I am officially married. Yup, that was weird to type. I have been calling Chris my husband to an excess and not using his name, in hopes that it will start to sink in. I have some bits to talk about.

So yesterday at church, I was doing my normal thing and asking the kids what they have been learning about. And, I discovered the amazing difference in the kids. They are learning their facts. They are learning the bible stories, but the exciting part is that they are starting to really understand who God is and what he is like. That to me, makes my work start to feel worthwhile. They are also now encouraging the adults to bring a bible to church. Sound familiar? I now have a ton of kids who bring theirs every Sunday and perhaps the example of the young is starting to reach the older generation. Lifts my spirit some and helps me to see maybe there is a reason why I am at this church.

My dear sweet husband bought me some new cleaning tools. While that doesn't seem like a good thing, I am apparently much more like my mother than I knew. I love an incredibly clean house, but don't have the desire to do it. So, I had been researching these steam cleaners by shark. There is both a mop one and a sort of smaller multi-purpose one. I used them last night to clean out the dog-nastiness in the lower level. They are amazing! I have never been so excited! I was almost giddy. I know this sounds a tad commerical-ish, but it was so easy and quick. I didn't even have to scrub to clean up stuck on stuff.

On my way home, I heard this song. I love it. It struck a chord with me, made me realize what weight is on my husband's shoulders and how desperately he needs me to stand behind him and support him and pray for him.
.
.

Provision

So yesterday was not a good day. I was struggling a great deal and was about to head into the bank to fight about the credit fraud. I was crying out to God, needing help and needing guidance. I was hearing all these voices in my head, and then as I was pulling into the parking lot, I switched the radio station, and heard "the voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid, the voice of truth says this is for my glory, out of all the voices calling out to me, i will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth." I turned off the car, felt an overwhelming sense of peace and praised God for his provision of exactly what I needed exactly when I needed to hear it.

Love

So, I hit my head on Monday. Hard. The hardest I have hit it in years. Really hard. Brought tears to my eyes instead of the normal anger. Mom was with me. Instant headache. Lasted most of the day. Mom and I continued work cleaning out the office. Then was sitting and watching a movie with Chris much later on Monday night. Headache increased. I started feeling migraine symptoms. Issues with light and sound and increasing pressure in my head. I laid down on the couch. Chris asked what I was feeling. I told him headache was getting worse, but would have to wait until tomorrow to decide whether or not it was a concussion. He asked what would happen with that. I explained the normal process and my night procedure about getting up every few hours. He asked why I did that and I explained. He got up to do something and then came back and squatted in front of me. Held my head in his hands and I could feel his face resting on my head. I was just about to ask him if he was okay, when I felt his mouth moving, and realized he was praying over my head. I felt so loved. I had been feeling like an insane burden because of my health. I had been sick for almost a month with some nasty cold infection thing. Then followed by my time of the month with includes massive stomach and back pain. Then this. I felt like a decrepit old woman. I was sure that he must be annoyed with my illnesses by now. I have always believed that my health would be something that would drive whoever away from me. But in an incredibly tender moment, he allayed my fears. He held my head in his hands and petitioned our Savior for help. Showing me love beyond what I could imagine. The next day, my headache lasted right through until about 1 PM with no concussion symptoms and still no symptoms. It was just too important of a story to me not to share.

Days

Ever have one of those days when you stick your entire foot in your mouth? When you thought without a doubt that you were totally and completely right on this issue, and then you hear the other perspective and you just can't shrink small enough. Yeah. Days when you wish you could literally swallow back up those words? Yeah. Today is that day for me.

Song Lyrics? Sure, why not.

Relient K, of course.... Bite my Tongue

I was gonna spell it out
In detail but
I dropped the call
Before I spilled my guts
The floor stayed clean
Like my conscience would be
'Cause if you heard anything
You didn't hear it from me

I'm sweeping up the seconds
That tick off the clock
Save them all for later
When I'm too ticked to talk
And I need some time
To search my mind
To locate the words
That seem so hard to find

And sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
The most crucial thing I lack is the thing called "tact"
And if you're always so intently listening
Then the smartest thing to say
Is to tell myself not to say a thing

Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
To bit my tongue

I said I'm always close-minded
With an open mouth
And the worst of me
Seems to come right out
But I've never broken bones
With a stone or a stick
But I've conjured up a phrase
That can cut to the quick

And sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
And the smartest thing to say
Is to tell myself to keep

Quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I destroyed

And when I finally do
Let it come from you
The peace of understanding grips my soul
You're the reason I
Have meaning in this life
Is so I swallow all my pride
And give you control
I give it all to you

And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I destroyed
And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Bite my tongue

Relient

I saw Relient K at the House of Blues in Chi-Town last night. The band were amazing as usual, but apparently I am old.

5 years ago at a Relient K concert, I would have been in the very front, right by the stage, and jumping for every song.

Relient K yesterday, my back hurt from standing for so long, I longingly looked on the mosh pit from the outside rail, and did not jump at all. And at 10:00, I was so ready for bed.

While the music was outstanding, it brought back memories of times when I was younger and was much less inhibited. Not sure, why, at the age of 23 I am feeling so very very old.

However, Ray is in town tonight and tomorrow, so maybe that will make up for feeling so old and lame.

Sporty

I had an interesting weekend.

I shot one of these...


and on my first try, hit one of these...

But I didn't just hit it. I hit that top right circle.
With a shoulder that had been pulled out of socket the night before.
Awesome!
I took one shot. I hit the target and handed the crossbow back.
Always good to end on a good note.

Anyway, the moral of the story...
Should you ever see me with a weapon in my hand,
you should run... fast....
I apparently have beginners luck on my side.
I am sporty!

Arkansas

Things I have learned about Arkansas

• People sit on their front porches and watch other people drive around.
• The level of accent varies drastically, but apparently all people who make announcements over PA's have the thickest accents.
• Mosquito's are invisible, but effective.
• I am allergic to Arkansas as a whole.
• Bill Clinton is not from Little Rock, but his picture does in fact hang in the State Capital.
• The State cooking utensil is the Dutch Oven.
• The State musical instrument is "The Fiddle."
• Arkansas's reputation for violence and weaponry was cemented when a legislator stabbed another legislator at a duel.
• Rice is the state plant, but I'm pretty sure it is really Marijuana.
• There is a bridge named, "Big Dam Bridge," which I first believed was a description instead of a title.

New

It's been a while so I thought I would venture to do an update.

Chris and I spent 46 hours this week painting a mural in the basement of the Methodist church. He was off work and I owe him big time for working like a dog on a week off. But the mural looks good and I am just that much closer to completing the projects I promised I would start here. The other big one should be starting in the fall it is a midweek program. I promised to get one of those up and running, so I will be pleased when it finally hits.

I will be headed to Arkansas on the 29th of August to pick up a car that Chris' mom is giving him and I will be meeting the parents. It is kind of a frightening prospect, but he has already met mine. He actually knew my mom long before he met me and he just met my dad a few weeks ago. Thanks Sir for meeting us and treating us to lunch. But I have never really done the bring her home to meet mom and dad thing before.

In other news, I have now switched to a new instructor at the studio. Tim is expecting his third child now and is feeling too stretched between his wife wanting him to be home and needing to continue to study to keep up with his students, so he has decided to take a break for now. It was a wise decision on his part. Family comes first, but I was sad to see him go and I think he is bummed to not be dancing.

However the move to John will be a very good thing. He has spent a great deal more time lately training and knows a great deal more and I know I will learn a lot from him. Not to mention he is taller than me so I can wear real dance shoes and not have to be as low into my knees. It feels really good to stretch out after years of going so deeply into my knees. But as Ray told me long ago, learning how to dance low into my knees will just make me that much better of a dancers and will put me that much further beyond everyone else.

I think that is about it for now. Sunday School is almost over and I can head home soon. Happy Sunday!

Correct

It did in fact only take a few hours for the assurance to fade away into doubt. And while, the doubt doesn't feel very pleasant. I am none the crying out to God to hold me close and give me the strength I lack. I am sure His hand is in this somewhere, whether I can see it moving or not.

On another note:

Happy Birthday Sir!

Today

Today things seem evident and immanent. Like if it were a snake it would have bitten me. I like this feeling. It feels like I am in control and in the loop. But tomorrow... I'm pretty sure that tomorrow, if not in a few hours, things will not seem obvious anymore. I will begin to second guess and to doubt. I don't like that feeling. It makes me feel helpless, but it forces me into the arms of my Savior who can handle things far better than I. So I'll take either side knowing that God is sovereign.

Michael

I was greatly saddened by the death of Michael Jackson yesterday. It had been one of my life-long goals to see Michael Jackson in concert. I have determined to see him on this new tour. It's the first and probably only celebrity death which will actually bring me near tears.

It was an interesting day yesterday due to the death. I heard from a few people who I haven't heard from in a long time. Apparently, I leave a legacy of Michael Jackson appreciation with those who I meet and spend time with. I once had a roommate tell me, "I was never really into Michael Jackson and thought he was sort of weird. But after living with you I love the music and find myself defending him too." While I think maybe I should have left a different legacy with people, I am glad to have developed an appreciation for MJ in several people.

Cory and I had lots of good times of singing Michael Jackson songs in the car and I remember watching Dad's MJ laser disks whenever he turned them on. Some of my favorite memories with both people.

Lesson

I had coaching with Ray on Wednesday. As usual it was amazing. But this lesson was particularly fantastic. He cleaned up a great deal of my basics and we actually delved a little bit into the harder stuff that Tim and I work on.

There is one particular figure in the Tango that we have been battling through that is really difficult. It has an over sway in it. An image of this shape is to the right. I thought I had a pretty clear understanding of the over sway and how to create that shape. So Ray took me into position and the few steps that go into the over sway, I went where I thought I was supposed to go and thanks to Ray's fantastic skill was far better than I had been doing. But then he tells me to push my thighs further in and hold my pelvis to be square. Ray steps out leaving me in this position and Tim walks in as a sort of stunt double. Ray twists my spine more pushes my upper body further to the right and forces my back to be arched even more. Then he grabs a hold of my neck and pulls it out further from my body and pulls in back. Now if you had any doubt as to the physical aspects of dancing, I assure you that every muscle in my entire body was engaged and screaming for dear life at this point in time. Then Ray begins to talk to me, all the while holding this position which, as he said, "is wringing out my spine like a dish rag." What he said in this moment didn't really hit me until today because I was attempting to hold position, stop my limbs from shaking, and listen.

He was talking about my extension in my back and neck. He demonstrated that I always seem to stop myself. That I had a bit too much rigidity and control. He told me I needed to let go and just let the position happen. Let me head follow the shape my spine is creating and flow all the way into the drama of the dance.

Today this information strikes me as something beyond dance. I love to be in control of myself. I love order. I love patterns. I love predictability. I don't really like emotions because they are hard to control. I work hard to maintain control. This brings about a rigidity in my life and prevents me from ever truly letting go. It prevents me from letting go and allowing God to take control of my life. It prevents me from letting myself enjoy the music and movement in my life. And while a certain amount of self-control is a good thing, I believe I have gone way too far. So, I'll learn to let go some of the times and follow the direction happening in my life.

Not sure where or how this applies quite yet, but it was an interesting stream of consciousness that I decided to just go with.

Mom also wanted me to delve into some of the other experiences I had with Ray during this lesson, but I am afraid that it would be taken in the wrong way by those who are not used to the dance world and what is involved in it. But suffice it to say, that dancing and specifically coaching with Ray is a stretching experience in every sense of the word.