Motto

A little nonsence now and then,

is relished by the wisest men.

-Willy Wonka

Pleasure

So, I frequently go through periods of not liking dancing. I think for some reason, it has a bad stigma in my mind. Quite possibly because of how I got started. However, I went dancing tonight and I really love it. It is fun, provided you have a good partner.

I am not sure it is possible to feel more feminine than the way you feel while you are dancing the waltz, provided you dance it well. It is such a graceful and beautiful dance and you feel graceful and beautiful doing it. It looks like you are floating, or as a guy described it, like figure skating. It's fluid and amazing.

Aside from that, any Latin or form of swing is also a favorite. They are fun, active, and quick dances. They keep you constantly moving and constantly thinking. It's a lot of fun.

The partner completely changes the experience. Creepy old man who holds you too closely = bad experience. Young man who is just learning, but tries really hard = decent experiences. Dance instructor = Amazing experience. It is wonderful to dance with a man who knows what he is doing and can lead you into a variety of steps.

Ok, I think I am done on my dancing talk for now. It is just so much fun.

Wait

Wait has and always will be a major message of my life. Almost anytime I pray for something big, the answer I get is wait. No yes, no no, just wait. Almost enough to drive someone crazy. In my past, I hated to wait. I would kick and scream and beg God to give me a clear answer now, right now. And while I am still not a huge fan of waiting, especially when it comes to getting answers. (For those who may not know me very well, I DESPISE not knowing things. My curiosity drives me crazy. I love surprises as long as I am not told a surprise is coming. Once I know there is something for me to know, I need to know it NOW!) But for some reason, this time, when getting the wait signal and understanding that the waiting will be a long process, I am not disturbed. Yes, I would really like to know. I would like my future to be realized, but this time it is worth the wait. Most definitely, this time it is worth the wait.

SUCK

Rest assured everyone, I suck.

I again, missed a deadline. I was supposed to have emailed my lesson plan in by 8. I realized this at 8:15. So I busted my butt and turned it in by 9:10. Suck. I swear I am not going to get my license. I am so organized in some ways, but apparently not organized in other ways. This is so unlike me. I went through a period of this last year too. I work my tail off and no matter how hard I work, I still mess up. There was a lot of stuff going on then and there is a lot of stuff going on now. Maybe I just need to put the rest of my life on hold and concentrate on student teaching. Got that everybody? Nobody do anything that could possibly effect me in any way, negatively or positively, until I am done with student teaching. I just want to graduate.

I feel like
I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I’ll admit here
While I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
What’s the purpose
It feels worthless
So unwanted like I’ve lost all my value
I can’t find it
Not in the least bit
And I’m just scared, so scared that I’ll fail you
And sometimes I think that I’m not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I’m even here at all
But then you assure me
I’m a little more than useless
And when I think that I can’t do this
You promise me that I’ll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can’t
Do something significant
I’ll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial
That life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look
My date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet
That regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
I’m a little more than useless
And when I think that I can’t do this
You promise me that I’ll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna be the day
Gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
I noticed
I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it
I spent it
Convincing myself the world’s doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time
It’s my life
And my right
To use it like I should
Like he would
For the good
Of everything that I would ever know

-More Than Useless, Relient K