Busy

The past several weeks have been crazy.

I drove into Chicago for the first time in my life on the 19th. I must say, I will always prefer to ride than drive, but at least I know I can do it. The Harvest Moon Ball Competition was that Saturday. I went with a friend of mine. It was a interesting weekend. The professional show was unlike anything I had ever seen. They were the World Latin Showdance Champions. I realize that doesn't mean much to most people, but suffice it to say, they were incredible. I drove home early Sunday morning on only about 2 hours of sleep to get to work at the church. Then went on a hay ride with twenty people as a children's ministry outing. Shortly there after, I crashed for a solid 16 hours.

On the 20th, I realized one of my tires was losing air fast. Mom followed me to a tire place where I was told that my tire was too bald to fix and I would have to have a new one. Bummer. I then asked if all of my tires (besides the one I had fixed at the beginning of the summer) were in the same condition. I was told that they were and that the other two would need to be fixed before winter. This was a scary reality. I consider myself to be paying for college right now while working a full time job. I am paying to learn to dance so I can eventually get a job dancing, so it is similar to paying for college and just about as expensive. So with the showcase coming up, and the competition just around the corner, I was really bummed out. At staff meeting on Thursday, they were asking for prayer requests and I explained my situation. Low and behold, the next day I am told that a good friend of mine pulled some strings that he had and found me an incredible deal for the two tires I needed. I didn't ask him to do this for me. I wouldn't have asked him to do this for me. I was raised to be self-sufficient and that's what I am. But because he has a servant's heart, he found a way to help me out. I am so grateful. So my tires got fixed just before it started icing this weekend.

On Sunday, the 26th, I taught dance for the first time. It was incredible. A local church called me up and asked if I would teach for 6 to 8 weeks on a volunteer basis. I figured it was a step in the right direction to becoming a paid professional. As it turns out, there were several times while I was teaching, that I had an out of body experience, and realized that I was incredibly happy. I was smiling and laughing and enjoying myself. I got excited when the kids understood what I was teaching and was able to duplicate it (something that never occurred while i was student teaching). It was definitely a confirmation for me that I need to teach dance. I can't wait to teach dance. I will do whatever I have to do scrimping and saving in order to continue my training so I can do it.

I am training with Tim for the past several weeks for my showcase on December 7th. We are dancing a Bolero, which is a slow (requiring great control) rhythm dance. I am hopeful he will have a least half of the routine worked out by this Friday so we can start working on nit-picking instead of experimenting with what could work. For those of you who might like to attend, Tickets are on sale now. If you get them before the 14th, they are $25. If you get them after, it is $30. The ticket deadline is the 28th.

Ode

- Ode to Tim
- King, Lord, Master of the Dance Floor
- My Dance Nazi
- The only person I know who can frustrate me without a single word
- Can challenge me WAY beyond my limits and lead me to success
- Builds up my ego and then completely puts me in my place
- Can make me laugh at myself when I am failing
- Is slowly eliminating the word "can't" from my vocabulary because he will completely stop the lesson until I rephrase to, "At this current point in time, I am unable to do that"
- Can simultaneously make me feel like a woman and like a football player
- I can read him, his moods, and his intentions like a book
- Makes me the best dancer I can be and yet reminds me just how far I have to go to be as good as him
- Can moves his hips (cuban motion) better than any woman I know
- Is a bigger diva than I can ever hope to be
- Takes a special interest in me as a dancer and goes above and beyond to help me improve
- Fascinates me with his knowledge of local and national and international dance history and continues to talk to me about it well after the lessons have ended
- Can make my whole body hurt after merely twenty minutes
- Can rip my shoulder out of socket weekly and I still long to dance with him
- Can make me feel totally comfortable and completely out of my skin intimidated
- Yup, that's Tim
- King, Lord, Master of the Dance Floor (or so he likes to be called)

Coleman

I miss Coleman.

Read about him in Exponent

Read about him in my blog here and here.

Despite the weirdness of who he is and my experiences with him. He always added a dose of excitement to my life. It was fun hiding from him and talking with other girls who had shared similar odd experiences. I miss his huge water bottle he used to carry around with him.

It's odd the people you miss.

Alone

Ever been completely surrounded by people and felt totally and completely alone?

I got a phone call today. In the time when I was on the phone, I felt so cared about and understood. Amy knows me, and wants to know how I am doing, really doing. She digs deep and won't let me get away with surface level answers. I love that. I have gotten used to this with her and I no longer attempt to give those kinds of answers to her. As I was on the phone, I realized how much I will miss my life on campus. I miss those coffee shop conversations. I miss emergency Amy meals. I miss people knowing me well enough that they don't let me not open up. They force me to tell them what I am thinking and actually care about my thoughts. Beyond that, they provide godly and biblical input on my thoughts and feeling. As soon as I finished the phone call, I felt totally and completely alone again. Scary feeling.

In listening to some music tonight on the ride to the hotel, I couldn't stop the tears.

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”

-Praise You In This Storm -Casting Crowns

I throw up my hands.
"Oh, the impossibilities."
Frustrated and tired,
where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly.
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fears.
I think I can't, I think I can't.
But, I think you can, I think you can.
I think I can't, I think I can't.
But, I think you can, I think you can.
Gather my inefficiencies and place them in your hands.

-For the Moments I Feel Faint - Relient K

Sorry, rambled thoughts from an extremely emotionally raw girl....

Cory

I must say I cannot wait until December. When Kevin, Cory, and I can once again be united. Cory really is the key to the random fun times. Kevin and I can be fun and random at times, but we are not match for Cory. Throw him into the mix and it is bound to be a good time.

Friends

For the past week and a half I have felt rather alone. I never thought I was one who depended so deeply on contact with my friends, but I do. I have been basically out of contact with all of my friends from Purdue for the whole summer. Carrie has been gone on a mission trip. While Ben has been around after work, I haven't really been able to talk to him much.

Carrie is my heart. When I am struggling to put something into perspective she provides usually one sentence which is just what I need to hear to show me the truth. She gives me energy and joy. I adore her. I can go to her house feeling completely exhausted, destroyed, and overcome and leave with a smile on my face and laughing at some comment. She provides me with a glimpse of Christ's unconditional love. Through stupid times of neglecting our friendship and letting a bad relationship take precedence, she was still there loving me and welcomed me back once I regained my senses. She has invested in my life greatly and shown me the love of God and has shown me how to follow and make my relationship with Christ my own. I can't imagine my life without Carrie as a part of it.

Dawn, my dear roommate, made a wonderful effort to try to see me on Tuesday. It turned out miserably, but it was great to have someone to make such an effort for me. Dawn has shown me incredible love. She regularly would search her quiet time to come up with some name to call me. Such as, My wonderful roommate who has been endowed with the splendor. She was there when I didn't believe in love and she encouraged me and cried for me and stood by me. She watched and helped me to overcome my bitterness. She has challenged me in my faith and been a wonderful example. She calls me out when I am being stupid. She is blunt. She thinks this is a bad thing, but it is sometimes the only way to get through to me.

I find that my life just feels empty without being able to talk to these two. God has blessed me greatly to have these two wonderful women in my life. But, it is very hard to go without them.

Dawn

My dear roommate and friend always seems to know just what to say. I don't even know what I need to hear but she does.

She is an amazing encourager when it comes to my head. Many a time I have talked to her in depth about the fears I have or the discouraging things I have been told. I will give you just two examples.

1. I went to a new neurologist. He was rude and not helpful at all. His solution was to buy me a helmet with foam balls on sicks attached to it, so that I wouldn't be able to hit my head on anything. This made me ridiculously mad. I don't need to waste my time visiting a doctor when that is his best idea. He then laughs about his suggestion. He says I just plain don't know what to do with you. I have never heard of this before. Maybe we will have to come up with some new forms of therapy for you. I am beyond angry at this point, because it is really not helpful to have a doctor tell you, that you indeed at the freak you have believed you have been. --------- Dawn's response in a text message when I told her about the jerk. "You should just throw up on his shiny shoes". The perfect mixture of humor and truth. She understands that my headaches and concussions cause nausea and she made a crack about his obvious arrogance. Perfectly what I needed.
2. In response to an email I sent out to the people from the one week trip I attended which included the previous post. Dawn explained that she understood my fears about the non-Christian counseling and offered a positive out of that situation. Then in several meaningful statements she said she believed me. I didn't realize how much that meant to me to have someone on my side. To say that they knew me well enough to confidently say that they believe that I wouldn't hurt myself consciously or subconsciously. Apparently, all I needed was for someone to place their trust in me.

Thanks Dawn. For being such an amazing friend for all these years. And knowing just how to communicate with me. I love you.

Providence

God's providence is seriously amazing. God put a woman in my life (Mindy) who knows me inside and out, purely because she is the same person. God is great at making you see his provision. Ask me about her sometime.

Tribute

I decided to do a blog birthday tribute to a friend who has been there for longer than anyone else.

Carrie Liskey has been one of the few constants in my life. Through repeated heartbreak, high-school drama, college absences, siblings moving away, and the end of the Drivers as we know it, Carrie has been there through all of it. Carrie has always been there for me, whenever I needed to talk. There have been times when I have neglected our friendship and allowed my busy-ness to take priority, but even still Carrie has been a truly faithful friend and allowed me to return with open arms. Carrie, helped me to understand that Jesus could be real to me, real in my life, and my own decision. She helped my faith to develop with her unique blend of humor and wisdom. Carrie's wisdom still rings in my ear. "It's all about perspective" and "There is more to your life than the color of his shirt." While the second is vastly more specific it is still a continuation of the first. One that is oddly ringing true today. In addition to sharing her wisdom, Carrie has always been a source of encouragement. From the first time I met her, with the "Gift you Give" article after our "Not a Convict Highway Clean-Up", Carrie instilled in me a sense of self-esteem which others sought to destroy. She encouraged me in my faith and my life. Carrie has shared her home, her family, and her life with me (1 Thes 2:8). I am extremely blessed to know Carrie and to have had her invest in my life. I know she has blessed my life and the lives of many others like me.

Carrie, I know as long as you keep seeking God, He will put you where He wants you to be. I love you and you are an inspiration to me. Thanks for always being there, always listening, and always being my friend.

Voice

So I have had many mentor figures in my life. Most of whom I can still hear their voices in my head with a famous line or idea.

Scott = "Smile, make people wonder what you've got"

Carrie = "It's all about perspective."

Ben = Not a direct quote, but he would always let me know when I was being unreasonable and letting my emotions carry me away.

However, now that I am here in college, I have some additional mentors. As of tonight, I officially heard Travis and Laura in my head. I thought at first, "Oh, that's just my conscience" but then I realized, I don't have a masculine voice. Then I realized it was Travis who was speaking to me. Funny. Apparently, I am now officially a Navigator.