Five

Life is much easier at the age of five.

Things which are easier or better when you are five:

• You don't have to take care of yourself when you are sick (could have used some help today).
• You can have an absolutely amazing time playing with clothes hangers, and only hangers.
• There are no complicated feelings such as love or hate.
• Everyone is your friend.
• All wounds can be healed with a kiss from mama, candy, or a little TV.
• Faith is not complicated by logic or doubts, it is just pure faith.
• Despite your outer appearance you are still ridiculously cute whatever you do.

Despite my extreme desire to be five again for at least a day,

Being almost twenty has these advantages:

• I can practice for taking care of others who are sick (I got some practice, alright!).
• I can have an absolutely amazing time talking with one of my best friends, just talking.
• The complicated feelings such as love or hate help me to further understand my relationship with Christ and what He did for me.
• Everyone may not like me, but the ones who do like me for who I am or in spite of who I am.
• All wounds can be healed by my heavenly Father. Who, no offense mom, is the best healer.
• My faith is deepened because of logic and doubts and I am able to walk closer to Christ.
• Despite my outer appearance, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

This post was meant to be a rant, but as is often the case when I am willing to listen to God. He has changed my heart. I will wait. It hurts, badly, but I will wait. And I look forward for the day when both are ready. As I sit here and remind myself again, whatever God has planned for me is far better then what I have planned for me. It may not be easier and it may not be more fun, but I trust him to take care of me. He loves me. And in that knowledge, I will be content and wait, for whatever He has planned for me. This is my ring. A symbol of my commitment to Christ above any other person, man or woman. Also the symbol of the only way for a man to reach my heart.

Just a few verse which I am clinging to.....

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

"Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:3-5

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Joshua 1:5

Call

She's calling out to you

This is a call, this is a call out

Cause every time I fall down,

I reach out to you

And I'm losing all control now

And my hazard signs are all out

I'm asking you to show me what this life is all about.

-Thousand Foot Krutch "Call Out"

For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is the sin living in me that does it.

Romans 7:18-20

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.

1 Timothy 1:16

Sorry. I need to make a call out of my own.

Things I would love to have prayer for:

1. Wisdom
2. Discernment
3. Peace
4. Trust in God to provide
5. Trust in God to guide me
6. Strength
7. Guarding my heart

Update

Not a whole lot has been happening lately, at least nothing overly blog worthy.

Grandma is here and that is pretty amazing! We played two really late night hand and foot games because I got off work really late. She got me this amazing Wonder Woman lunch box which I have made into a purse. It is awesome.

I have bruised my thumb from knitting. I have been getting up at 4 AM to finish knitting projects by noon. But I am pretty much all done. In the words of Grandma "yahoo!" So tonight, I will sit and watch movies and maybe try to fit in one more hand and foot game.

Grandma and Mom head to Ohio tomorrow and I am off Thursday and Friday, so I am looking forward to relaxing and doing things outside of work.

My Christmas was pretty awesome. Happy Birthday Jesus cake, noodles romanoff, tape, pens, Duncle and Dad causing trouble, and lots of giggling. Cory, you were sorely missed and prayed for multiple times. We love you.

I can't really think of much else to say. It was fun to see Kevin too. He and I got along 90% of the time he was home which I think is a new record for us. We traded silly messages on a dry erase board and it was good times. I wish I had gotten in another Settlers of Cattan game though because I am not totally sure I know how to play fully.

Ok, I think that is it for tonight. I am sure I will update more in the next two days since I will have more time.

Cory

The elaborate plan did not work as well as I had hoped, but at least it is still during my Christmas Day. Sorry it is not yours anymore, but oh well.

I wanted you to be able to join in on the present opening experience.

So, here is an unopened present....

Here is your opened present.....

As soon as I fully finish the scarf, they will be in the mail with your mp3s and the rest of your request list. I love you. I hope you like the stuff I made you! They are extra thick and extra warm! Merry Christmas!

By the way, here is a random picture of Dad's new snowsuit.....

Toot

Not to Toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT! Who got a 4.0 (Straight A's) while working through block 3? I did!!! I am pretty much amazing! Yup, Kerry Hoffman, I took my "I rock" pill today!

Caution

Caution.... Lord, Jesus, please guard me and protect me.....

Dance

I need to dance.

-waltz
-fox-trot
-latin ballroom
-salsa
-swing
-mambo
-tango

I'm not particular. I want to do it all. However, I don't just want to do it all, I want to be pretty darn good at them all!

Oh, and I think I could handle being a ballerina too.

Things to add to my "skills to learn" stack.

And even if I never dance in public outside of my wedding, (which would be a crying shame!) I want to be an amazing dancer for my first dance!

Waiting

I don't know what else to say except, "I'm waiting."

Waiting for direction. Waiting for some sign. Waiting to see some sort of end in sight.

At this point I don't even care what the end is, I just need to know the ending or even that there is an ending.

Gifting

So I remember really not enjoying working last Christmas, so I went into today expecting a really rough day. However, I was delightfully surprised. It was great to be back and I had a wonderful experience with a family.

A rather frantic mother walked up to me carrying a Hermie video (for those who are unfamiliar with all Family Christian Store Merchandise, this is a movie about a caterpillar which was written by Max Lucado, a famous Christian author). She asked me for a specific cross necklace that was in our flier, then decided against it and wanted me to open a case so she could get another one. While asking me for the keys, she also asked where a Hermie dinner flatware set was. So I walked her back to the kid section and reached to the top of the shelf and retrieved the flatware.

Then as we being to walk back toward the front of the store to get the cross she says to me,
"So, this is what is going to happen,"
(My thought at this point is.... "You will pay for the stuff and leave? I really pretty much know how this works.)
She continues by saying "I am going to buy the necklace (she is not making me hold the necklace really low and covered) and hide it in my pocket and I will leave the Hermie stuff here.
Me = "Ok" (this is a hesitant ok because I am thinking why on earth did I pull this stuff down if you are going to leave it here.)
Customer = "After I leave, my kids are going to come in here and buy me a Christmas present"
I'm thinking "Your kids are going to buy YOU a Hermie video and flatware set?"
Customer = "I need you to help them. They have the bag coupon. Can they use that?"
Me = "Yes. And the Hermie items?"
Customer = "They will buy those with their own money."
She proceeds to stuff the purchased cross into her pocket and leave the store.

I turn around my fellow employees and laugh about the situation. At this point I am very daunted by the task of picking out a present for this woman. I am freaked because the Hermie video is for kids ages 3-6 and I am thinking this is the age of kids who I will be helping pick out a present for mommy.
From the direction of the door I hear "That one. The tall one with the dark hair."
I laugh, turn around and wave and suddenly notice that it is about a 13 year old boy and a 10 or 11 year old girl. The customer/mom continues to baby the children until she is absolutely positive they know which cashier to go to. Then she leaves and the kids approach me.
The boys says (in his best "I'm really an adult" voice and manner) "I have a coupon."
Me = "Ok"
The boy would not walk away until I had taken the coupon from him.
They begin to walk around the store and keep looking back at me for help. I am thinking "these kids are old enough to pick out a gift for their mom and I do not want to insult them by babying them."
The boy again returns to me and asks for a Thomas Kinkade Perpetual Calendar. (Thomas Kinkade is a artist). He claims it was in "the" flier. I pull out the current flier and he tells me it was the one before that. Considering it was my first day back from school, I am clueless as to what and where stuff in the last flier would be.

So after some debating about what a perpetual calendar was, (the paper flipping kind, the wood block kind, or the hanging king). I found a Thomas Kinkade Perpetual Calendar. It was HUGE and extremely expensive! I pick it up expecting the boy to tell me no and I look to the boy who smiles at me. He brings it up to the register along with two Thomas Kinkade coffee cups and the various Hermie toys. I begin to ring this stuff up and again the boy is trying very obviously and very hard to be as adultish as possible. With the coupon, the total was huge. I was really afraid to tell them the total because I was sure these two kids couldn't have that much money of their own between the two of them. I say the total and the boy looks down at his wad of money and counts it out and my eyes widen. He has a lot more than I thought. He hands me several twenties so I have to give him about ten dollars back in change. I smile and shake my head and try to wrap this huge calendar the best I can with tiny bags (which was really pretty badly). The kids then left and I left the store ten minutes after my shift ended because I was enjoying the situation so much and didn't want to leave until they had.

Now that I have retold this story I am sure it is not nearly as funny and sweet to anyone else. But watching these two young kids acting like big time adults buying what I assume is their first big time gift for their mom, was just too cute. And the mom babying both these kids and working so hard to hide this necklace and get the Hermie stuff ready so she could have an excuse to be in the store. It was just such a great family Christmas moment and I was happy to be a part of it.

Working at FCS this Christmas might not be nearly a hard as it was last year.

Promise

I'm officially crazy. I know. However, I am blessed with some wonderful friends who can almost instantly bring me out of the dumps. I will miss you all over break.

A wonderful friend spoke this truth to me without being prompted:
"I will never leave you nor forsake you,
so even if life sucks, I will never be alone"

This comes from Joshua 1:5

I am clinging to this promise with all my heart.
My heavenly Father loves me and will never leave me or forsake me.
I am never alone.
He is the only one who will always keep His promises to me.
I will rest and be content in Him.

I also have been brought back to an old favorite of mine.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This is how and why I know I can have hope in the future God has planned for me.
I am so blessed to have friends who breathe the word of God into my heart when I need it the most and am unwilling to find it for myself.

Supernothing

I may have strength through Christ. I may be strong. But I am not superwoman. I am not invincible. I may be tough, but I do break. I thought I was strong. I thought with God's help I could endure anything and I know, together we can, but some days I just get distressed. I did something today that I really didn't want to do. I'm afraid that is the way it is going to have to be though. Oh well, I know God has something special for me, but its hard to wait and not be able to see it.

I just talked to my brother about this several weeks ago, but I wish God spoke in neon signs. Or used the lighted arrow at the Family Inn on US 52 like I joke about. I try to follow God's will for my life, but with so many voices, so many thoughts, so many feelings (not emotions, but the "I've just got this feeling", sort of feelings) I just don't know how to sort through it. And I can hear myself responding to my brother in saying "if the decision brings about good fruit, then it is from God" or "If I know the character of God, then I know what His will is." And now I understand why he got so angry with me. That doesn't eliminate the voice, thoughts, or feelings. It just proves to me how lost I am when looking for direction. So I have turned to the more passive aggressive approach in which I sit and say to God, "Since I can't figure out what I am supposed to do, then You do it. You bring whatever it is You desire for my life about." Then as I am sitting and waiting, I again get lost in the "did God bring this about or did I bring this about?" It is an endless cycle of doubt.

I don't doubt God. I don't doubt his plan for my life. I do doubt my ability to decipher which direction he is pulling me.

We have talked in Bible Study many times about overanalyzing and looking too much into the situation and contorting stuff to be whatever we want it to be. So, I know it is not just a common problem to me. And as I was typing I remember the solution we came up with. It was to pray for something in particular whenever we started to over think. Yup, well, I guess that was my answer.

Writing has always been my way of sorting things out. It forces me to think chronologically and logically. Or in the words of Mike Britton, to think in waffles instead of spaghetti. Writing = therapeutic.

I apologize if this doesn't make sense but it helped me.

Beyond

I am officially beyond me. God has brought such healing in my life these past few months and the healing could only come from Him, when I was forced to depend solely on Him. It's amazing how God uses our times of loneliness to show us Himself. I finally like myself for who I am, and again none of that came from myself or anyone else, it only came from God. He has healed me and I have learned to see myself through His eyes. I realize I am still a sinner and worthy of damnation, but because of my salvation through Christ and my blameless state because I have accepted the salvation, I have begun to see myself as someone worth-while. I am looking forward to my future. I plan to spend the rest of my life bring glory to God in all I do.

However, just because I am optimistic of my future in Christ, doesn't mean I am sure of where it is going or what it will entail. I mean, I know I am to bring glory to God, but how I do that and who I do it with is all beyond me. Because I know I will have an abundant life, I am looking forward to the man and future God has planned for me. But the earthly part of me has difficulty figuring out God's will when it comes to certain aspects of my future. But I will rely on God to bring about what He desires for me.

Well, these are all thoughts that have been brought up in the last week. I am patiently awaiting my abundant life.

Grandma LeMay - Please come for Christmas (I would love to spend time with you and play cards)

Travel

I will be traveling this weekend. I should be back on Saturday or Sunday. Please feel free to text me or call me. I would love some encouragement or even just idle talk. Please pray.

Remember

Braudice Byron LeMay, my grandfather, has passed away.

I decided I wanted to share some memories that I have of him.

First of all, he was the first man I remember dancing with. As I spent many summers visiting the LeMays, I spent a great deal of time line dancing or square dancing. I have many memories of dancing with him.

I remember several boy vs. girl hand and foot games. Grandma and I would play against Grandpa and Rory. I remember Grandma and I usually won (that may just be selective memory though). But there was a certain amount of "trash talk" which made the games simply hilarious fun.

I also remember going one summer with some projects in mind. I wanted Grandma to help me make a baby blanket and I wanted Grandpa to help me make a Guiro for my brother. I remember that grandpa accepted the challenge without having any idea what we were making. I also remember his patience as I tried to describe to him a musical instrument I had never seen before. I also remember his patience in letting me actually help craft this instrument. He taught me how to use each machine in his garage, but was never more than a foot behind me to make sure I was using the machines safely. I also remember he and I trying out the instrument several times. Listening to the sound and thinking about what we could do to improve the sound.

My grandpa was a brilliant man and always showed me so much patience as a child. He will be sorely missed. I love you Grandpa.

Endorphins

After a really stressful week, it was wonderful to go outside to and exert some physical effort. It was great! I know physical work produces endorphins (happiness) but for some reason I always forget this in the midst of stress.
I have decided to do things like this more often. It feels good to be active and get my blood pumping!
Two thumbs up! Lots of fun!

Razzles

They are both a Candy and a Gum! Today was a great day. Sarah and I went on a 3 and a half hour candy search, and while we are still a Mars Bar short, I found Razzles. The candy mentioned in 13 Going On 30. I was entirely to excited by this find because I thought and was thinking only early this morning that Razzles must have been some fictional candy because I had never heard of them. At to my amazement, there they were in the candy store in the mall! Amazing! They taste amazing and are completely surprising when they turn to gum, but once they hit the gum stage they lose their flavor in about 10 seconds. Therefore, you must keep adding Razzle after Razzle until you have developed a sort of lock-jaw due to excess gum.

Topic switch: Dawn's birthday was great fun! Arni's is indeed a good pizza place and Who Framed Rodger Rabbit? is not nearly as bad of a movie as I had once thought. It was great time with great friends! I hope we can do it again soon!

Well, I must get to sleep. 9:45 comes in just 7 and a half hours. Night!

Belle

I am so excited for Friday! I finally get to dress up and be acknowledged as a princess! A Disney Princess as that! I will be Belle on Friday and I am so excited!

"It's no wonder that her name means beauty. Her looks have got no parallel!"

Awesome! Well, I am going to do a little character study before I go to bed! Night!

Esteem

Mom - Don't Read This You Will Only Find More Reason To Yell At Me

THINGS I HAVE BEEN TOLD IN THE PAST 2 DAYS
I am apparently the worst person on the planet because:
I am self-righteous
I am a jerk
I hurt everyone
I am sickly
I am too easily stressed
I am narrow
I am a negative
I am a whiner
I am a complainer
I am an attention seeker
I am fussy


Apparently, I am just plain rotten. Well, forget it! If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Well, I am done! I won't be talking any more....

Knit

This is the scarf and hat. It is a really pale pink in case you can't tell.

School was kinda uneventful today. The kids seemed rather calm and I was really out of it. I did a lot of cutting and pasting today. Just a lot of grunt work. I suppose that is why it felt uneventful. Oh well. The break from the kids was appreciated.

I'm exhausted... I am hopeful to go to sleep really really early tonight...

Weekend

Grandma and Grandpa LeMay, you are in my prayers. I love you both so much. I hope to see you both again soon.

Grandma LeMay's dinner was amazing as always, and I heard Grandma Driver's was excellent as well.

I learned to knit (cheater style) while in Ohio and made this hat and scarf! I think they are pretty good.

(Well, I was gonna post pictures of both in here, but my internet stinks! I'll try tomorrow!)


Well, I'm exhausted. I'm off to bed. Night!

Rent

Rent is an amazing movie. I really enjoyed the plot and the music. What I did not enjoy was the symbolism of the movie to me and the after affects I was forced to undergo. Oh well. In God's time, I will be totally healed. In the mean time, GO SEE RENT! It is a little rough around the edges and definitely should be R rated not PG 13, but still and excellent musical!

Summer

After one night with the Liskeys, I have my summer plans! I'm so excited! It will be great!

Anger

Oh the insanity of it all! Alright, I got it. I've learned my lesson.... again.... I get it, I now realize it is not something specific to the one, it is specific to all. Ok, see, I get it. The answer is no. See, I get it. Now, please, please, don't make me have to use this lesson again. It's too hard for me.

Covenant

So I tried a new church today, Covenant Presbyterian Church. It was an interesting experience to walk into a new church and know more people then I do at my normal church. One of the women that spoke really stuck a chord with me. Not a bad chord, just gave me a tangible example of why I still hold on to hope.

So, two more days of class next week then Thanksgiving Break! I am really rather excited. I need a break from Block 3. It is driving me up the wall. I'm going to work really hard to be not only decent, but also respectful to Angie. A very difficult undertaking, but necessary. The end of Pleasant Hill Elementary is in sight! Not that I do not enjoy spending time with most of the children, but due to the work load, the school as a whole has become an unpleasant sight.

Random thought: The more I watch QVC (because that is all we can really watch with our lame cable) the better and better the products look to me. I have actually considered more than once buying something from the channel. When they show some obscure use for a product which is obviously designed for a separate purpose, I am completely drawn in. I think, "I never thought about using the $50 hair clips to attach my broken purse strap! Now, I am sure I need them!" Pathetic, I know. But after so many hours they suck you into their little world of delusion in which everything they sell is a Special Value and has at least 4 different obvious uses.

Pain

So I recieved a figurative blow to the stomach tonight. We watched a movie which had a quote that meant a lot a to me this summer. It was a reminder of all of the pain I had endured this summer. Ouch.

But my friends were there for me, and helped me through.

Pathetic

Bible study was great tonight!

I discovered today that I am not a normal college student. When faced with an extremely common scenario for any normal student, I freaked. I responded in an way which would be common for someone twice my age or half my age. Pathetic. Oh well. It seemed to work out in the end.

Hilarious! Cory, I can't wait to talk to you about this!

Family

WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE A SAD/PATHETIC POST, IF YOU ARE NOT WANTING TO BE BUMMED OUT, PLEASE DO NOT READ.

Part of me is excited for Christmas, well, because it is Christmas. But a large part of me is really not looking forward to it. I need the break, I am anxious for this semester to end, but Christmas will not be the same this year. Every year it has always been the Driver Kids, but this year Cory won't be there. He is always the life of the party with his jokes and mannerism. He keeps us all in check and keeps me from beating up Kevin when he sings one to many songs with my name in it. Cory, you are greatly missed. Christmas just won't be the same without you.

On the up side, I am looking forward to spending some brother/sister time with Kevin. I feel as though I have never really gotten to know Kevin as an adult. He seemed to be just the exact amount of years older than me that he was gone before I got to a similar stage and even when he has been home, like Driver Family Christmases, I never got to spend one on one time with him because we were always a threesome. So Kevin, I am looking forward to spending time getting to know you.

I keep trying to remember the reason for Christmas, as cliche as that sounds, but I can't seem to get past the fact that my family just will not be the same this year, in so many ways. That is not to say we were always perfect in the past, with my girlish temper tantrums, Kevin's "Kim Songs," Cory's knack for getting really hyper in small places like when all three of us are in the back seat, and various other key problems. But at least all these annoyances are familiar. I know what to expect and I can imagine and laugh about how stressed I would be later. Sorry this is such a downer, but as I have started watching Christmas movies with family scenes such as "While You Were Sleeping" and am struck with the thought of what our Christmas has looked like and will look like this year.

So Kev, looking forward to spending time with you one on one, but Cory you will be sorely missed. Here are a few nostalgic pictures of memories with my brothers.

Christmas Time

Fourth of July

I love you both!

Rainy

It is a rainy day today.

As I am about to venture outside, I wish I had some rain boots.

These Rain Boots or These Rain Boots.

Well, that is all the update I have time for today.

Someday

Someday I will be able to talk on the phone again.
Someday I will sleep more than four hours in a night.
Someday I will have time to eat a meal again.
Someday I will not see the wee-hours of the morning.
Someday I will not have a migraine.
Someday I will not have a stomach ache.
Someday I will no longer be exhausted.
Someday I will no longer be grumpy.
Someday Block 3 will be over.


Sorry, just needed to give myself some hope to look at while I am up all night again.

Grounded

After giving myself a trial run, I have discovered I cannot handle AIM, so I am re-grounding myself. My apologies. I know it is easier to talk to me over that medium, but I just cannot handle it yet. Pray for me please. There are days when I still struggle.

What I do know is how I changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm okay
And for a moment
For a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not okay
And I need your help
So I'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be okay
Together we can make it through another day

-Superchic[k] - Courage

Havana

So I went to Allison's dorm room tonight to watch a movie as a study break. We watch Dirty Dancing Havana Nights, which I have to say I really liked.



So I have two fun quotes from the movie and a fun conversation with Allison....

"Make a circle.... That's a box"

"Do you have to be such a guy?"
"Oh, then I'll be the girl!"

Allison - "That's when they DTRed"
Me - "What?"
Allison - "Defined the Relationship"
Me - While laughing, "We are such Navigators!"

Treasure

I have a treasure trove here. It is wonderful to be among people who earnestly seek God's will in their lives. It is a blessing to be among people who are willing to be invested in my life. I was once again cornered and I am delighted. Thank you Travis and Laura. I am so blessed for God placing these people in my life!

This weekend has already started out the exact way I wanted it to. I am rested and recharged emotionally and spiritually and I am ready to go!

God is working in my life daily and I am excited! I endure sufferings right now, but Romans 5:3-5

Have a wonderful, blessed weekend!

Funny

Too funny! I think I will now have to be even more vague. Too funny! However, I need to remain in hiding for a little while longer in order to ensure my secret is well enough hidden. Someday I may be able to return to AIM, but for now, I will have to hide some more.

Wow

Not really sure what to say. Lots of stuff has been thrown at me in the last couple of days. I can hardly wait until Thursday and Friday. I'm excited to be recharged. I need to be recharged. It's amazing how much only four days can tear you down.

Well, there have been interesting things happening. We have moved to a new level. What sort of level? I am not sure. It is either a new level or kidding around or something else. I think I am going to stick with the new level of kidding around. Self-preservation techniques, you know? But even if it is all in fun and kidding, it is still kind-of an ego boost.

Anyway, it's going to be a busy weekend, but I am so looking forward to a lack of class. Only 6 more visits to Pleasant Hill. Hooray!

Random

This is Bob. He started as a simple smiley face with two dots for eyes a smile and a circle head. Then he progressed to his current state with Amy and I passing him back and forth and adding a little each time. Meet Bob.



On another note, I am once again forced to my knees as I sit, wait, and trust God. I know He can handle all things. He is powerful enough and He is trustworthy. So, I will endure.

On another note, we are under a tornado watch here. Crazy! Well, I need to get back to homework. So much to do!

Kids

I found a picture one of my students colored for me when I was going through my back-pack today. I guess not all of the kids hate me! Maybe I can work with kids after all. Here is the picture the student made.

It is crumpled because another student tried to grab it and destroy it because she did not have a drawing of her own to give to me. It's nice to be loved by kids.

Oops

Well kids, I accidentally fell asleep last night before I got all my work done. Fortunately, I woke up early enough to finish the work that is actually due today. However, there is no way I will have enough time to study to test out of MA 139. So, I guess I will be taking that on Thursday morning, I hope.

It's gotten really homework busy again. Not Cool. I have about 6 or 8 papers to write this weekend for my EDCI classes and the phonics exam on Wednesday. I don't really care whether I get the certificate that goes with it, I just don't want to have to take it more than once.

Anyway, the end of the semester is approaching quickly and I just have to hold out until then!

Only 7 more visits to Pleasant Hill Elementary!

Its time for me to shower and head out to Office Max or Depot, I don't remember which one.

Teacher

So I lost my temper with a first grader today.

I didn't act on my anger, but I was so furious. She pushed my buttons when I was not expecting them to be pushed and something just clicked in my brain. All of this goes to say, I should definitely never been a teacher, and maybe I should not even work with kids. That blows all of my theories about what I should be doing with my life.

On a different note, I have enjoyed several movies and TV shows in the last several days. It has been very relaxing! It helps me to do homework without stressing out. It's a great system.

Speaking of homework, I am sick of having assignments that require copying and scanning. I have to ask Amanda to borrow her scanner/copier/printer combo, and I have feel bad doing that. I don't understand how they can assign us stuff and assume we have the equipment to complete the assignments.

I don't really have a whole lot to say. Nothing really exciting has been going on and I don't seem to have any interesting projects or experiments going on in my classes.

I am still reading Narnia (slowly). I hope to finish before the movie comes out in the theaters. I can't wait to see it! It should be exciting.

Okay, I am going to start my homework now. I sure hope I am productive tonight.

Sleep

I'm exhausted after staying up too late last night. I am going to have my quiet time, nap for three hours, and the update my blog and call those of you waiting to talk to me!


Here's some random picture of me pretending to sleep...

New

I somehow messed up my blog template the other day and decided instead of trying to fix it I would try something new. So I searched the internet for hours to try to find a new template with a design that I liked and all of the bells and whistles that I wanted. However, I could not find one that fit my needs. So I created this one. If you do not understand the flames at the top, just check out my profile. I hope you all like it. It took way too long and for some reason came before my homework, so now I am in a big panic to finish my work. Anyway, let me know what you think!

Awe

God has provided for me in ways I could not even imagine. Today, I stand in awe. I have prayed for weeks for a specific request and today it was put to the test, and God more than came through for me.

Big Enough to Hold Me

These lyrics were placed in my head this morning and calmed my mind. I wasn't sure a first where this song was from, but ironically I have heard it at Campus House. Check out the lyrics. They are great!

Thanks for holding me up in prayer for the few of you who knew to pray.

I am truly amazed today at the power and compassion from my God.

Rain

I love rainy days. They are the perfect day to be productive. I cleaned our kitchen and took out all our garbage. I made the girls and I breakfast this morning. Mmm mmm cinnamon rolls!

I had my own miniature after-rally last night because the real after-rally was not really an option for me. So Dawn, Christine, and I came to my apartment and into my room and watched Cheaper By the Dozen and then about half of it with the kid's commenting in the back ground. I also made about 2 dozen cookies for us to eat. It was a pretty decent night.

Tonight is game night with Kari and Amy. I am pumped. Should be lots of fun!

Well, its time to be productive again. I am going to have my QT then start my homework! Have a wonderful, restful Saturday!

Morning

I'm not sure why I named this morning. I actually missed all of the morning. Despite waking up with some serious stomach pain, I slept a full twelve hours. Amazing. I haven't done that in so long. It was great! It is wonderful to finally be able to catch up on sleep. I actually do not have that much homework to do this weekend and I am very excited at the lack of work! Should be a great weekend.

Bowling was awesome last night! I think I achieved my lowest score ever! After we ran out of memory verses for gutterballs, we switched to kids songs which somehow switched to Broadway musicals. It was a good time! What a wonderful way to start my weekend!

Bowling

Bowling was super fun! And despite several too many bumps on the head, I can still memorize scripture pretty well! I'm exhausted! Good Night!

Rambling

I apologize but this post will make absolutely no sense to most of you. However, these are my thoughts from my shower this morning and I just need to get these thoughts out.

I didn't want to be Angel. I wanted to be Michael Hosea. I thought I was going to be the okay one who would help fix someone else. However, I have realized I am the one with the baggage who will be a burden to someone else. I am Angel. I have had a Duke. Oh, goodness! Is that what this has been? A Duke to break me enough so I have to come back to my first love (Christ) and then after I have been healed, I am allowed to be with a Michael Hosea. I really didn't want to have to be Angel.

Okay, enough of that. I just want to say that these are all characters from my favorite book, which at the moment is helping me to understand my current situation.

Anyway, I finally figured out how to put my MP3 Bible onto my iPod. I'm excited for it!
I have only two classes today with a hour and a half break in the middle, which I am excited to use to read Narnia on campus, try to get a hold of the Liskeys, and to work on some verses for Scripture Memory bowling tonight. I am looking forward to the break!

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Here

Not much to say today. School was ok. I was only there half the day because we had a project to do on campus. I got to eat at Potbellies. Yum. Um, I tried desperately hard to not be so angry at Angie, and did a decent job until we made it out to the car. I took a nap, two hour nap. Probably shouldn't have but oh well. I am about to go eat the last of my sloppy joe mix. Then I will spend basically the rest of the night reading for school. Except for a highly likely ice cream break. Sorry. Nothing really exciting to post today.

Except that I have a game night on Saturday that I am really and truly excited for!

Anyway, have a good night.

I think I want to post a fun picture for you because this post is so boring. So here is a fun picture.

Break

Gimme a Break, Gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat Bar!

So, I have finally gotten a break from school. I will only have to do a miniscule amount of homework tonight, and the rest of the night will be composed of vegging out in front of my TV. I'm so excited! I ordered in a pizza for dinner and I have begun the vegging process. Awesome!

Trouble

I'm in trouble, I am only about half way through this paper and I am running out of patience and concentration. Uh Oh!

I just don't know if I can finish it... Anyone want to help me figure out how Constantine and Clovis' conversions helped convert their respective societies?

Boo

Happy Halloween Kids!

I hope you all get to see some cute Trick-or-Treaters. It doesn't look like there will be any around here!

Well, I will beginning my paper soon, while I am watching the Addams Family Movie! Have a great and spooky night!

Perfect

Despite having an assignment I forgot about, tonight has been a great night.

I just ate some sloppy joes that I made which only took about 3 minutes. They were pretty good. Nowhere near Grandma Driver's, but not too shabby if I do say so myself.

I am sitting here finishing the last parts of You've Got Mail, which I have decided is my favorite movie. I just love their relationship. This is my favorite part. The part where she sees him in the park and you watch her go through about 10 different emotions. I love it. I love how he sets the whole thing up. Amazing. I love Tom Hanks.

Which reminds me. I was thinking this morning during my shower that there are many things which would stand in the way of a future relationship for me because of my scars. I have decided I need a Michael Hosea. Someone who would be patient enough to deal with me.

Anyway, that was quiet a tangent. I have finished one assignment, now I just need to write one and a half assignments and I will be all groovy for the night! Woo Hoo!

I'm thinking I should watch Hope Floats next. I haven't seen it in a really long time and I love Sandra Bullock. Maybe by the end of the movie I will develop a southern accent. Yee Haw.

Anyway, back to work and a new movie. Have a wonderful night, All.

Romans

So I am reading through Romans, which holds my favorite passage. However, today I found one that might become a tie.

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

What an excellent set of instructions.

Anyway, I just finished my quiet time and check to see what all is due tomorrow and I found an assignment I was unaware of that is actually due tomorrow, so now I have the incentive I needed to get started with my homework.

I'll leave you with a teaser for the Barn Dance post which will come as soon as I get enough time to get all of the pictures up. This is a large percentage of the girls who are involved in my Bible study!

Heffalump

So my Mama got me Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie. It was the perfect short little Halloween movie to put me in the Halloween spirit. I just love Lumpy and his British accent.


Cute. Thanks Mama. We'll watch it the next time I am home.

Pumpkin

I carved a pumpkin last night as the after Rally. It was a lot more fun then I thought it would be. Anyway, I carved two face on one pumpkin. One on each side. Everyone else's were amazingly creative and pretty, but I just really wanted some faces. So here it is.

I had to use a flashlight to light up the pumpkin because I didn't have a candle yet. The pumpkin actually made it through the night outside, so I am hoping it might actually make it to Halloween. I think I did a pretty good job considering I haven't done one of these in a long long time.

Well, its time to start the homework! Have a great day everyone.

Ten

Well, the doctor has confirmed it. I have officially had ten concussions before I have turned twenty-years old. Sad.

But the good news is, because I am young, there has been no major brain damage. My brain has healed itself and is still functioning within the normal range.

However, this Doctor appointment and Mom and my silliness, has brought up a fun costume idea. I didn't think I was going to dress up for Halloween, but now I think I will! Stay tuned for pictures!

Wisdom

I am blessed to have wise council.

Wise council makes for a wise Kimi.

Thanks Travis, Laura, Dawn, Christine, and Amy!

Rage

I am so done with this Block 3 Crap! I am furious! How dare they try to pry into my personal life! Back off! I'll start taking care of myself, when the stupid homework allows me to!

Sorry to all of my readers. I am just sick and tired of the Elementary Education Program.


Oh, and I forgot to say that I put a staple through my finger today and it hurts like none other!

Testing

I have no idea how to do pictures, but I am gonna give it a try. Let's see how this goes.

This is Mr. Sappy. Mr. George Goo Sappy. Created by Dawn, Stephanie, and myself.

Dawn and I with our new friend!

Some of my favorite Nav girls!

This is my current favorite pictures of my brothers and me.

We are on a ferris wheel. Kevin is scared because our car keeps swaying because of Cory and I.

Looks like I did a good job! Hooray! There will be many more pictures in the future!

Sleep

I have been so sleep deprived recently. I will finally be getting some sleep tonight! Hooray!
I have finished all of my major Block 3 assignments and I would say I am about 75 % through all of the work and the semester is just half over.

I am going to bed tonight at nine. I am super excited! It will be a relaxing night and a pretty relaxing weekend because I should be able to get all of the word done Friday! Yay!

Not much going on in my life right now, at least nothing that really matters long term.

I'm excited for another weekend! For the first time since I have been at Purdue, I am looking forward to the weekends! I have Navs on Friday, usually some hanging out Saturday night, and E-Team on Sunday! Should be another wonderful weekend!

Oh, and I get the results for my memory test on Friday. Should be ok though I am not noticing anything else that hasn't been here before.

Well kids. I think that is it. I think I will read a little before Gilmore Girls, then it is off to bed! YAY!

Ugh

Ugh. That might be all I have to say. Ugh.
So much homework.
So many thoughts.
So little time.

As I look at my blog I realize that I do so many up and downs every week emotionally.

So, I'm sorry readers for hearing the up and downs, but at least you can look forward to the next up.

Anyway, the Barn Party was amazing. Seriously, it might have been the most fun I have ever had at a dance. So much fun! All the fun of dancing, without drama or pressure! Amazing. It is wonderful to be asked by men to dance! Truly a fun experience.

It is great to be surrounded by mature Christians and learn from them. Thanks Dawn for the prayer last night. I will talk to you as soon as I can.

So, I thought that talking about the Barn Party might perk me up, but it didn't work. But, as soon as I can figure it out, there will be some pictures of the barn dance up. Along with pictures of my apartment for those of you who have not seen it yet.

Time to get back to the homework... Have a great Sunday everyone!

Blessed

I am a blessed woman. It feels strange to call myself that, but that is what I have become.

I have women friends who are invested in me. Not only in my life but in my faith.

They push me and challenge me to walk closer with God.

I am truly blessed to have these women in my life.

I am blessed to have a family who loves me and who seem to all be on high alert when I knock my head. (By the way, I think I am concussion free this time!)

I am blessed to be able to see God actively working in my life daily. I am blessed to see Him fixing scars and wounds I could never even hope to heal myself.

I am blessed to have a friend who sticks by me and has always been there when I have fallen to my lowest point. Who always is there to give me a hand up.

I am blessed to have been forgiven of my many failures and shortcomings, and I am blessed that God has also taught me to forgive those who have hurt me in the deepest way.

I am blessed, friends!

It is an amazing thing to count your blessings.
And as the song goes,

"If you are worried, and you can't sleep,
just count your blessings, instead of sheep,
and you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings."

Broken

This is a quotation of what I posted on the other blog which I am contributing to.

I had another experience this morning that I just wanted to share. The last day and a half have been incredibly hard for me. I have been faced with some upcoming challenges that I was not ready to deal with. So as I approached my quiet time this morning, I had a list. I wanted to tell God exactly what was on my mind. (I was angry that He would put this challenge in my way when I was just finally getting some solid footing) In the minutes before my quiet time as I was in the shower, God dropped another bomb on me. He was once again breaking me heart. I had become proud of the progress I had made, as if the healing had been from me and not from God. God showed me that this upcoming challenge was to show me that I am not fully healed and that none of this healing has been from my own strength to begin with. While be humbled by God is a hard experience, it was amazing to lose my list as God granted me insight into his plan.

Just thought I would let the rest of my faithful readers in on the current events of my life.

Now, I will leave with a few songs (one of which, God used during my shower revelation)

Let It All Out

Beauty From Pain

Blessed Be Your Name

Friday

It's Friday! I woke up with a rather disgusting surprise in my bathroom, but it's all taken care of now.

Rally is tonight! I'm pumped!

Not much progress made on the case study yet.... but there will be a lot made as soon as I finish posting.

Case Study time... Wish me luck. It will take so long.

Busy

Busy Busy Busy.... These next few weeks are going to be long. However, three weeks from now, I should basically be done with all huge assignments for my Education Classes. Hooray!

But God is faithful. He has provided me all the time to spend with Him and get my work done!

I don't really have any funny stories this week. Except that Dawn, Stephanie, and I made a man on a tree out of sap and leaves, pinecones, and sticks during the fall retreat. I will post some pictures as soon as I get them. Too much time without something to do I guess.

Here's a fun verse though: Zephaniah 3:17. God loves you!

Wonderful

I learned so much about prayer and how to read the Bible this weekend. I am so very excited. I have now been able to implement what I have learned and I am amazed. I am so glad to have gone on the Fall Conference! I am truly blessed to be in the Navigators. I am constantly challenged and pushed to grow more in my faith! I'm a happy happy girl!

Amazing

I had such an amazing weekend. I have grown so much and I am excited for what the future holds. I will fill in more later.

Pray

Pray Please.
I'm exhausted and overwhelmed with emotion.
Please pray that I can continue to seek God in all my decisions.

Scream

I Scream You Scream, We ALL Scream For Ice Cream!

I went out for Ice Cream last night, with a good friend of mine! It was wonderful. We had a good time catching up since I have been away for a while and we talked about plans for next year and the summer! It was very good.

We also had a chance to talk about something that has been on my mind that I just haven't been able to figure out. It helped me to talk through it, even though she didn't really have an answer. But anyway, thanks for listening as I spout off my mind!

Tomorrow, I leave for a Navigator retreat! I will be headed back to CP immediately after the retreat ends, so CP people, I should be back around Sunday afternoon. Should be a great weekend of growing.

Cooking

I am being taught to cook by males. And not just males, but males who are not present. I am being taught to cook over the phone by males.

Now, if it isn't strange enough that I am being taught to cook via phone, I am being taught by males so I can cook for my future husband. Strange.

On the different, but still related note! I made a great chicken tonight!
Thanks Kevin and Dave!

Teach

Suspicions confirmed. I am not meant to be a teacher. I am simply meant to play with kids, not teach them. Alas Cory, I will never become Amy (from your office), because I will never be a real teacher.

Weekend

Happy Birthday Carrie! It was really great to see her! I love you Carrie! I'm blessed to know you and be in your presence!

It was a great weekend! I got to spend a lot of quiet time at home and I got to spend lots of time with a good friend!

Concussion Update: There is not much they can do. I definitely have a concussion. I am going back for a memory test to see how much of my memory I lost next Monday! Should be fun!

My parents safely got home from Texas. It was nice to see them both.

I had a strange experience today. I found myself at a church with someone I never thought I would go to church with. The experience was such a blessing. Truly shows the power of Christ. And, I think I finally found a church I will go to when I go home!

Ok, bedtime, I think. Night!

Poison

I have sucked all of the poison out. So much so that the bite wound doesn't even really hurt anymore. The marks are still there as a reminder, but it no longer hurts.

Nine

Experiencing Concussion Number Nine.
Enough Said.

I will likely not be posting much in the near future until the pain stops.

Quotes

First, will put in a nut shell what I learned in Bible Study. Truly inspired by this.

Romans 14:23 But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

Thought by Kim: Anything which isn't brought about by faith is sin.

Hebrews 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself; if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

Thought by Kim: If I cannot act upon my faith or show it through my actions, then maybe my faith is non-existent. Faith should be a precursor to action. If I have faith in Christ and what He did for me, then I should seek to please Him with my life through my actions.

Thought by Kim and Study in a Nut Shell: "Faith without deeds is dead, but deeds without faith are sin." Faith is shown and strengthened by deeds, but deeds done without faith (with wrong motive or without God) are sinful.

Thought by Kim: The girls in my study are amazingly insightful. I am blessed to have such great thinkers to help me read through the Bible.

The emotional purity workshop:

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it s the wellspring of life.

Warning: These are quotes given by either males or females. They reflect the kind of males I seek to have in my life.

Flirting:
"Woman see flirty woman as confident, but men see flirty woman as insecure."

Initiation:
"Woman try to manipulate and maneuver. We manipulate the situation to control it, or we maneuver ourselves in the situation."

Modesty:
1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

Thought by Kimi: I do not want a man to pursue me for my outward appearance, I want a man who pursues me as God does, for my heart.

1 Peter 3:3-5 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands.

Thought by Kim: My new motto! Give me my T-shirt and Jeans any day! I want to please God with my gentle and quiet spirit, and if God so desires have those same characteristics attract my husband.

Quote: "The quality of the woman will designate the quality of the man."

Thought by Kim: If I continually seek to honor God with my actions and my heart and seek that which God has planned for me, then the man which I am supposed marry will most likely be at this same level. However if I do not seek to honor God and do not seek His will, then I will likely find a boy, who is also at this same level.

Thought by Kim: Several woman at this workshop mentioned the difficulty of waiting. After much reflection I have realized I no longer have difficulty waiting to see if God puts a godly man in my life. I have discovered, it is so much better to wait for the one "my heart loves" rather than to "arouse or awaken love" before the due time (Song of Songs 3). I have found not guarding my heart and allowing myself to love before the "desired" time, brings heartache I do not wish to repeat. So I stand here happily and contentedly waiting. If there is to be a man in my life, then I know he will be that which God desires for me and I can happily wait for splendor of a truly Christ-centered relationship, and if there is not to be a man for me, (while, in truth, this is a little harder to swallow), I will rest in the arms of my Savior, knowing He is the only One who can ever truly fulfill me. And in regards to the comment of my brother who calls us Navigators, "Never Daters," I am now pleased and encouraged by this title. I will happily join the ranks of a group who do not wish to just "date around" or "have fun," but are earnestly watching and waiting for God to decide their future relationships. If I am to marry, I know God will bring that man into my life in such a way that I will never have to seek him out or pursue him. I know that I am to be pursued, because that is the model of Christ and the Church (his bride). Christ pursued us and in the same way I will wait to be pursued by the man, if there is one.

On a much lighter note: I am truly becoming domesticated. Last weekend a friend and I baked snickerdoodle cookies (which turned out amazingly, I might add). This weekend, during a rather funny old love story movie, I learned to crochet. What will next weekend hold? I don't know, maybe I will learn to make a five coarse dinner while knitting a sweater!

Sorry kids, lots of reading. I just had a lot I wanted to share.

I will leave you with one of my scripture memory verses, which I will type from memory, but then check for word accuracy and order. This verse speaks to me on so many levels. Actions in all things are so much stronger than words. If I claim to have faith, and my actions do not back it up, then what am I showing to others? If I try to love my "enemies" but can only do that with words, but cannot show them love with my actions, am I truly loving them? And lastly, because I have become such a stickler for the topic. I may never be able to believe someone's words about their love for me because I have been exposed to too many lies, but if I am loved and the love is proved to me by actions and truth, then I can truly believe it. What a perfect model of how we are to love each other.

1 John 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with action and in truth.

(I added an extra "with" but not too shabby)

Wonderful

I am in a wonderful mood!

God provided for me all week with my two exams. The one I didn't want to study for because I though it would pollute my mind, went extremely well. The test I just took went extremely well. I didn't really have much time to study so the few things I did study were all that were on the exam. Awesome!

I am excited for the weekend, it will be an amazing weekend! Sleepover on Friday, Fountain Run Saturday morning, Hanging out with friends Saturday night. Sunday, I get to do church and e-team. Will be lots of fun!

Nothing is making me feel bad today! I'm so happy!

Carmichael

I read something today for my Bible Study that I would like to share.
Amy Carmichael 1867-1951.
Amy Carmichael's mother taught her to ask anything of God, for He promises to hear and answer. So three-year-old Amy knelt at her bedside and feverently prayed: "Dear Lord please make my brown eyes blue. Amen." With those words she slipped into bed and fell asleep, confident that she would awake with dazzling blue eyes. In the morning Amy rushed to the mirror only to discover that her eyes were as brown as ever. As a wave of disappointment rolled over her, she suddenly realized that "no" is as much of an answer as "yes." She had learned a valuable lesson. The Lord does answer prayer, but often the answer is no.


I think this is a valuable lesson for all of us.


This is why I love children. They have so much wisdom and foresight. I enjoyed working with the kids today because I felt like I really got to know them and spend time with them rather than just drill them on skills. I love my first graders, they are at a wonderful age. They are starting to become independent but still are willing to run up and give you a hug. I know I said I needed a hug, but the kids are providing it!

Challenge

Today was quite entertaining.

My essay test for my feminist class went extremely well. I really didn't trust that God would see me through this, but I guess that was the point of the exercise. Dawn suggested I find something in the book which contradicts all of the stuff I have been taught and I did. It was stuck in my head all day and delightfully kept me from internalizing any of the information! YAY!

Record

I have set a new personal record. I have officially made it 13 hours without using a restroom! What an accomplishment!

Hug

So I got my first male hug in a really long time last night. I'm really struggling now. I have been being so strong for so long, I feel like the hug made me let my guard down. I really wish I could have a good strong male hug. I haven't felt emotional in many many days, and now I can't stop crying... Stupid Lifetime movies. Why do they have to be so sad. I just feel the need to curl up in a little ball and let some of these emotions out, I just don't want to do it by myself.

Oh well, I'll just bottle it back up somehow.

Good News: I am hanging out tonight with a very good friend and I am really excited! Should be a lot of fun. Also another good friend and I should be getting in touch this week to meet and talk. Finally, the after rally for next Friday is a sleep over. I can hardly wait. I think all of these events will help evaporate this emotional state that I am in. I'm so blessed to have so many friends that care about me.

Friday

Friday was a good day. I had a visitor from home. It was good times. I had amazing chicken parm and a great brownie. It was really great catching up and spending time together. We went to Navs and I found this to be a nerve wracking experience. Navs is so very important to me, I am terrified of people not enjoying it or disliking it. I think I would be ok with this after Cory, but on reflecting, it still hurts when he says bad things about it. However, I think I got a positive report from my friend so that is good.

I seriously messed up my iPod software and the iPod. I'm scared. I have no idea how to fix it. And now I don't really have time to work on it. Oh well. Any computer nerds out there who can help me?

Well, my weekend of homework has begun. I am looking forward to fountain run study breaks though!

Elementary

I have always denied being one of the crazy El Ed people. They freak me out. However, today I got excited over a book of holiday coordinated worksheets for first graders. I will now hang my head in shame. I'm sorry Cory, I have become one of those people. Not quite Amy, but I think they are slowly getting me to come to the dark side.

iPOD

After a particularly long and sickly day, I arrived home to find my iPOD cover had arrived! I'm so excited. I can now party in style and without as much fear of breaking it! It even comes with a clear plastic pouch! Oh Boy! I think I might want some other colors though too! So keep that in mind for Christmas.... Who wants to buy me another cover so I can change the color to match my mood?

The lack of commenting has been a little depressing kids. Let's try a little harder.

So Cory is officially in Morocco. Weird. I see it on the map almost daily now, part of the bonus of being in a 1st grade classroom. Bring on the pull down map! Anyway, I miss you Cory and pray for you daily!

I've talked to Kevin a few times in the last few days. It has been good to get in touch with him again. Hooray for my brother, Kevin!

Well, I only slept about 10 minutes last night, so I think I am going to take a nap now. Goodnight!

Ramblings

I couldn't even come up with a general topic.

Topic number one. I just wrote a paper for feminist class, which makes me really angry. I disagree thoroughly with a lot of what the book says. Unfortunately, I am writing papers and they are being graded on content. With no particular guidelines for grading. So I am writing papers I disagree with in order to prevent her from biasedly grading my papers. Grr.

Second Topic. The little first graders were absolutely insane today. I think they are used to general loud chaos, and I just don't see how that is conducive to learning.

Topic number three. I am pooped. I am not sure what happened, but I woke up Sunday morning a wreck. I went to bed Saturday night feeling great. I wake up with a sore throat and the left side of my back is in crazy pain. I have a headache and am putting off writing this next paper.

Fourth Topic. I am so blessed with the friends I have. I can't imagine what this semester would be like if I didn't have so many people loving me and supporting me. God has truly provided for me. My cup overflows!

Topic number five. This paper that I am writing will be the third testimony I have written in less than five days. So, while that is a really cool thing to have to do three times, I am getting tired of thinking about the "character building experiences." As I was talking about with a friend, How do we keep doing the same stupid things, when the patterns are so clear? How do we forget what we shouldn't forget? It is amazing how quickly we forget, how quickly we change our minds, and how quickly we abandon what we know to be true.

Ok, on to the third testimony.

Decision

I have had a really good weekend. I have been surrounded by friends and have made many new friends. I went to a tailgating party today, where I was "talked to" by Travis and Laura. And at first, I didn't think I wanted to take their advice. I didn't think that is what I was being lead to do. However, I have made my decision. That is what I will do. All my reliable, unemotionally involved confidants have all given the same advice as Travis and Laura. Therefore, I will follow this advice. I will break the pattern of old bad habits and I WILL NOT GO BACK TO THEM or let myself be tempted to go back. I will start anew. I am turning over a new leaf. I have felt it starting in the last week or so. I will become Kimi. I have heard what she is like for so many years from the people who really care about me, so I will become that Kimi. I am leaving behind this shell that I have become and I will become whoever it is that God wants me to be. Here I am Lord. I'm all yours and I am ready to make a fresh start.

Help

Friends, I need help today. Unfortunately, I am not sure of the form that takes. But, I need help to get through today. Please pray.

BBC

In honor of Kevin, I am watching the BBC. This particular show is dealing with haggling in the market, so I am learning all about the money. Hope you are having a great time Kev.

Tonight

I can hardly contain my excitement. A friend talked to me last night and brought more good news. Apparently, all of my closest friends from last year are going to be in my bible study tonight. It will be so much fun and so encouraging. So I was excited before by the leaders, but now there people actually in the study that I love to be around too. Should be a wonderful night and a great way to end the week!

Angel

I titled this one angel because someone touched my life today. Someone who I barely know (to the point of just recognizing her name) sent me an incredibly encouraging message. So to her, I have to say thank you. That message meant more to me than I can even say. At a time when I am struggling so deeply with self-worth and self-esteem, your comment touched me deeply and was truly appreciated. Thanks for visiting my blog and I hope I do not disappoint in the future! :) Thanks again!

On to school stuff.
There has been lots of requests for more information about my experiment. I am trying to keep it purposely vague incase this guys knows me or has found my blog or something, but I will once again cave into the pressure.

So the experiment for Tuesday was to go sit next to him and see what hilarity followed. He seemed a little bit more than shocked that I just plunked right down next to him. So we take this quiz. Now, when it is time to pass the quizzes forward instead of passing it to the person right in front of him, he decides to put it on my desk and scoot it ridiculously close to where my body is. So I pick it up, smile and say "Thank you" and proceed to pass the papers forward. About a minute and a half later. He asks me a question concerning the answers on one of the quizzes, and just so you don't think this is normal let me explain the situation. We are allowed to use the readings to answer the questions on the quiz. The answer to the question he asked me about happened to be in the first paragraph of the reading he was holding in his hand. So obviously he and I both knew the answer. I simply say, "Three, I think." He says "Thanks" and turns back to his notebook. I begin to giggle at this time. Thinking that we have now progressed from weird social behavior to actual words. You might think I am making too much out of these few words, but I'm telling you, they will be the beginning of the opening of the flood gates.

Now I am still working on how to ask an open ended question for tomorrow that would not seem to out of the ordinary, in order to further the experiment. I am taking suggestions until about 12:30 PM tomorrow, so leave some comments.

So today at the schools we had a number of crazy activities:
1. My prof made us pretend we were second graders as she taught us about the hurricanes for way too long. This example lasted twenty minutes. Twenty solid minutes of condescension.

2. I broke up a verbal fight today between two students. All the while being observed by their regular teacher. I felt very inadequate at the time, but I think I might have handled it pretty well.

3. I had to test kids on their pronunciation of letters. I had to write the symbols if they got the long or short vowel sounds. I had to circle the letters if they made the wrong sound. (Background knowledge: I know nothing about phonics. I don't know the symbols and apparently don't know all the sounds that the letters make). So I had one student who could not tell me the sound a "y" makes. I sat there trying to come up with the answer, but there are too many possibilities. (ex. tye and pony) So feeling oh so embarrassed. I admitted to the child that I didn't know either. Then as if that wasn't humiliating enough, I had to turn in this test with my made up symbols into the aide and explain to her that I had made up symbols and clarify what each of them meant. Ridiculous. I'm so not cut out to be a teacher.

Now, I must get to my homework. I have put off the reading long enough.

Yesterday

Phil 225 - the only thing that wasn't R-rated, is the fact that my prof says poohberty instead of puberty.

Soc 367 - I read 10 chapters out of a fiction book and took out my contacts during this class.

Hist 317 - the experiment took an interesting turn. I sat next to him and now there have been words spoken. Funny, Funny.

I fell asleep in a book last night. Not good. I didn't get all my homework done. Oh well, I will have to work extra hard tonight.

I'm off to the world of 1st graders.

Provider

God is such an amazing provider. I was feeling horrible as explained in my previous post, but then I got a phone call. I was feeling so utterly alone and then I got a phone call which placed me in a bible study that I am so excited to be in. I already feel very cared for. I'm so excited! God is so faithful and provides us just what we need, when we need it.

Tired

I just said goodbye to my brother. It didn't hit me how long it would be until I saw him again until I was driving back to school.

I have so much work to do tonight, but I'm exhausted. These new drugs are making me really sleepy. I feel the stomach getting bad again, I really hope it does not get as bad as it was before.

Good news. Cory is letting me use his ipod while he is out of the country. All I have to do is get it fixed and figure out how to ship it out to get fixed. So that's exciting. It's 40 gigs. Hooray.

Results

All right kids. The results are in.

So I walk into the class with the experiment. He happens to be sitting in the same seats we were in last time. Now, the original plan was to find a seat infront of him to see if he would move again. Unfortunately, I would have had to sit right next to someone in order for that to work, which would defeat the purpose. So I had to sit way in the back. As I am walking to the back, he turns around in his seat all the way as I am walking to my seat. I sit down and he immediately faces forward again. I chuckle to myself and start getting ready for class.

Now I look forward again to notice him looking over his shoulder slowly, then snapping his head back to the front. I find this hysterical and again start laughing. Now, I feel the need to cut this guy some slack, so I decide to go to the bathroom, so maybe he might think I never saw him and he can move.

As I come back from the bathroom, I look through the window to see if he moved. He hadn't moved but apparently had been watching the door from the time I left. I walk in and again, he follows me with his whole body in his chair until I sit down, then he looks forward again. He keeps looking back as he did before and then looking forward really fast.

So, now it is time for my current conclusion. He must know that his previous behavior was unacceptable because he did not repeat it again. This eliminates the possibilities that he is either unaware of social rules or is just trying to freak me out. Which leaves only one explanation that I can think of right now, but there must be another explanation.

I will be continuing the experiment for the next week or so and I already have my next move planned out. I am sure I will come up with another explanation and I will not stop unless I know for sure.


Experiment aside. It sure it great to be home. I finished my homework for today relatively early, thanks to Mom. It is nice to just be fully accepted. Kevin is in London this weekend, I am a little jealous. I would like to go somewhere cool, but I just don't see it happening. My lack of funds and fear of flying both make it rather difficult to travel. This is my last weekend to see Cory. Seems so weird. It hasn't quite hit yet. I'm sure it will once I am back at school and can't see him anymore.

Another quick and random, subject change. I sure do love the movie You've Got Mail. Know why? Because Tom Hanks pursues Meg Ryan in the end the way I would like to be pursued. He stops at nothing once he realizes she is the one he is supposed to be with. I love it. Cory wrote me a great letter a while ago, saying I should be pursued like the princess that I am. I didn't believe it at the time and I am not sure I do now, but if my brother thinks it should be that way, then I guess I should to. Thanks for the letter and the message on my dry-erase board, Cory.

I can't think of anything else to say. At least not anything I would like to broad-cast. Stay tuned for updates on my experiment.

Finished

Finally, the last two necessary things for out apartment have been completed! We have a new modem and I have a lock on my door. It's a nice feeling to be done.

Well, I am headed to feminism class in about forty minutes. Should be really exciting. The reading was about Freud and all of his CRAZY ideas! I am guaranteed to laugh out loud at least once!

Then I have my rather obnoxious "Religion in America" class. Which I will no doubt read or doodle through.

Finally, I get to test my hypothesis! Some boy has been exhibiting some weird behaviors towards me in my "History of Christianity" class. I am so very curious to see if the behavior continues! If it does, I am determined to get a good look at this guy and figure out the cause of this behavior. Whether it be interest in me or just general lack of knowledge of appropriate social rules!

I find it fascinating I am learning more from observing a fellow student then I have in my sociology class.

After conducting my experiment. I will race back to the apartment, cook some quick food, pack, and head to Crown Town. This will be the last time I see my brother before he leaves for Morocco. I can hardly fathom not being able to talk to him. Scary thought and I am getting all choked up.

Compulsive

My obsessive compulsive behavior paid off tonight! Instead of making me feel bad, my habit of checking away messages made me laugh. This is just too funny.

In this life I'm a woman.

In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs.
I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup ...... gonna be a bear.


Maybe I should bring this to Philosophy of Woman tomorrow. I think this will be my new Philosophy!

Firefighter

More fun thoughts from "I hate men 101." Today we were discussing the difficulty for women to get the same jobs as men. The example? Firefighters. My prof explained that the test is not fair for woman because they are expected to lift as much as a man and that it is just not fair. What's her idea to rectify the situation, you ask? Require the woman to lift lighter objects.

Now, let's once again separate ourselves from our emotions and passion for the subject of feminism.

Let's say the weight test for men is 250 lbs. Let's say they lower the woman's test to 150 lbs.
If I am in a burning building and unable to walk out or crawl out or move, I, being over 150 lbs (not for long), would be enraged if a woman firefighter came to rescue me and could not lift me up. I think I would definitely be calling for a male firefighter to come save me.

Now, if a woman wants the same job as a man she should be able to do the same job as a man. If we want equal treatment and opportunity then we must follow through on all equality.

Okay enough deep thoughts. I finished my homework and it is not too late! That is a first!

Just a quick cryptic thought. "I was not supposed to be the one."

Exhausted

I feel as though I was at school for about 12 hours. It's absolutly insane that my day started at 5:30AM and will start even earlier on Wednesday. Physically, Mentally, Emotionally.... Exhausted. I have so much work to do and I am desperatly in need of a nap. Decisions, Decisions. Work wins.

I was going to try to leave something clever or exciting, but again, just a little to wiped to come up with anything. Sorry folks. Boring reading today.

Ouch

I'm having sort of a rough night. I seem to be surrounded by drama and when other drama compounds with my own, it is just more than I can bare. Scratch that. Not more than I can bare, but more than I feel like I can bare. I know God is with me. It's just hard to see it when I am alone at night. I must keep reminding myself of Romans 5:3-5. I know Christ gives and has given me hope. I just struggle when it gets dark. I'll leave with a little superchic[k] reminder.

There are days when I'm okay
And for a moment
For a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not okay
And I need your help
So I'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be okay
Together we can make it through another day.

On second thought, I'll leave with thoughts of blessings. I am blessed to be a part of E-Team. I can already tell that it is going to stretch me in new ways and help me to become the person I want to be. I am blessed to have gone to a church this morning that inspired me to think and focus on the crucial. I am blessed to have a brother who came and visited me and made time to talk with me at the beginning of this break down. I am blessed to have a mom who is encouraging and loves me regardless. I am blessed to have friends who stand by me and like me for who I truly am and know who I truly am. I am blessed to be getting to know my father better and keeping in contact with him. I am blessed to have a carpool tomorrow to get me to school without using my gas. I am blessed to have a room to retreat to when I need to be alone. I am blessed to have a computer to keep in touch with family. I am blessed to have an assignment to meet and get to know 10 people this week, because I know it will truly test me. I am blessed to have a warm bed which is beginning to call my name. Finally, I am blessed for the opportunity to spend some time in the Word of God before I go to sleep.

Grrrr

And the inconsideration begins.... I guess I will not be sleeping tonight....

Feminism

Have you ever sat and listened to someone who was really passionate about a subject, but had clearly not fully understood or researched what they are saying? I think my philosophy of women (or should I say male-bashing, feminist) class will be a lot of that. Prime example:

The prof is trying to explain how women's rights are always fought over and men just get their rights with no argument. She explains:

"because they are women there are always protestors and big issues when a woman wants to get an abortion, but where are the protestors when a man wants to get a vasectomy? He is getting rid of the possibility of a child, and yet there is no big deal."

So here I am, sitting in class, clearly the only one in there who is not already a feminist and maybe because my judgment isn't already clouded, I easily come up with two holes in this argument. First of which is, there aren't any protestors when women get a hysterectomy and that is a right of women. Secondly, the possibility of a child and a child in progress are two very different things.

Mom

A salute to Mom!

Oh What a Beautiful Morning! Oh What a Beautiful Day!
I have a Wonderful Feeling! Everything's going my way!

Hooray!

This week has been really long and busy. The work load for all of my classes are insane. However, today ended really well. I finally got to see my Navigator friends. It was so encouraging and uplifting. I can hardly wait to spend more time with them. They are so amazing and have such a positive effect on my life! Things I am looking forward to: Talking to friends from home, RALLY, and hanging out with memebers of GDBB! Hooray! I finally have internet and there will be lots more post and more often as well!

Friends

I love my friends that I have in Crown Point. I wish you guys could come with me everywhere I go. I am always rejuvenate after spending time with them. I am happier and more ready to go outward in my faith and trusting in God. So this is a salute to you guys! Thanks for spending time with me last night and thanks for being there for me!

Hope

As I have been struggling with my current situation and how it affects my future, I have been listening to music which fits my emotions and offers hope.
These are some of the songs:

Superchic[k]:

Beauty From Pain

Suddenly

Not all of this one applies, so I will type out what does apply.

Courage:
There are days when I'm okay
And for a moment
For a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not okay
And I need your help
So I'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be okay
Together we can make it through another day

Relient K:

For The Moments I Feel Faint

Caved

That's right, I caved in. I try my best to avoid trendy little internet toys, but again, I caved.