Odd

I'm in an odd place right now.

I'm experiencing emotions that I really thought were dead. I continue to be surprised by my thoughts. I didn't think I had it in me anymore. While I find I really like these emotions, they scare the dickens out of me as well. I am continually trying to reality check as a self-preservation, but my spidey senses are tingling.

I love my rational, unemotional side. It tends to win out 90% of the time. I like to force it to win sometimes.

So, I'm fighting right now. Fighting to maintain rationality. Fighting to keep emotions at bay.

Praying to maintain wisdom and discernment and for God to take control so I don't have the opportunity to screw myself up.

Dream

Pathetic who sings the song, but right where I am at right now.

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreamin
But theres a voice inside my head sayin
You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
lost with no direction
My faith is shakin

But I, I gotta keep tryin
Gotta keep my head held high

Theres always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an up-hill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there.
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side.
It's the climb.

The struggles I'm facing.
The chances I'm taking.
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking.
I may not know it but these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah.
I Just gotta keep going.
And I, I gotta be strong.
Just keep pushing on 'cause,


There's always gonna be another mountain.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an uphill battle
But Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there.
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side.
It's the climb.

Yeah-yeah

There's always gonna be another mountain.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes you're gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there.
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side
It's the climb

Yeah-yeah-yea

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith
Baby

It's all about
It's all about the climb
Keep your faith
Keep your faith

-Miley Cyrus

Surprise

Have I ever mentioned I hate surprises? With a passion? Thought I had a week left before Ray came so I could have a few more hours to work on my Viennese. April just called. He's here tonight and my lesson is at 9. I have a bum leg and am so not ready. Surprise. Crap!!

Hectic

Wow. I just realized that I haven't blogged in a long time nor have I read anybody else's blogs. So I did some reading catch up and thought I would explain my absence.

First: I have another showcase coming up. I picked a dance that is without a doubt my weakest in order to challenge myself. My instructor picked choreography that is way way way over my head. So I am busting my butt to try to be ready. Showcase is May 17th. I have a lesson with Ray to prep for the showcase on April 22nd, so I have to get a huge chunk of it done and ready to be critique by then. Yikes. Between Monday and Tuesday, I had spent 7 hours in the studio practicing. I have been dancing at every opportunity possible to further develop technique and skill to get me closer to me end goals.

Second: Easter is coming. It is without a doubt the busiest time in the church. Last weekend for example, I was at the church on Sunday from 7:30 AM to 9:30 PM. Long day. I had regular church stuff, taught dance at the church for a couple hours, then had to set up and run "The Bunny Hop" for the remainder of the evening.

Third: A very dear friend of mine is in a very bad place right now. I don't really want to disclose too much information on here, but he is not well and my closest friend in the world is his only advocate right now. So I have been trying to help out where I can and stay informed.

Fourth: I have resumed as rigorous of a workout schedule as time will allow again. I am headed to San Diego California in July to spend some time training with Ray Rivers in his own studio and spending some time on the beach. Therefore, I need to get a better beach body and improve my core strength for several concentrated hours of coaching with Ray. I am really really looking forward to this trip, as it will be the first real vacation I have ever taken.

Fifth: VBS is just around the corner. Ok, its in July but the preparations for VBS have already begun. I also have to find teachers for the summer for Sunday School and try to line some up for the Fall. Busy Busy Busy.

Sixth: I am still trying to maintain some sort of a social life and spend as much time with Liskeys and dance friends as possible.

Seventh: Still doing early morning Job which messes up my sleep schedule and means I am sleeping while most people are awake.