Smile

I am walking back out onto the sales floor after my break, when a work friend of mine notices me. She is with a customer. She gives me an odd look. I continue with my business. About a minute later she is done with her customer and is at my side. She says in a loud whisper, "So, who is he?" I turn around and look at her, then around the store to see who she is talking about. She notices my confusion and she says, "you are glowing and you look like you are about to jump through the ceiling, who is the guy that made that happen to you." (I've been having a really rough week emotionally at work because there is too much time to think, this work friend has been helping me cope). Now, I can feel the grin on my face get even bigger as I say, "I just had a really great phone conversation." She then gets a sly look on her face and says, "with a guy?" I now have begun to back peddle a little because she is getting the wrong idea and explain the reason for my apparent goofy grin.

It was Jai that called me during my lunch break. I was ten minutes late for returning from my break because I did not want to get off the phone. We talked for forty minutes. If you know anything about me. I am not a big phone talker, at all. I basically hate talking on the phone with anybody with the exception of a few people. Anyway, we did the obligatory small talk for about ten minutes then started talking about dancing for the last half hour. He told me about some clubs in Chicago he wanted to take me to. We talked about dancing with bad partners. We talked about him starting some new lessons in Northwest Indiana and about me being his co-teacher/demonstrator. Then he talked about how I should move to Chicago to dance. He explained that I could easily get a job in child advocacy there and could work at the Borders there in the mean time and dance with him and start teaching some classes up there. We talked about odd moments of being caught dancing by unsuspecting people. He talked about what a great dancing pair we make and how well we work together. We talked about starting my lessons back up soon and starting some group lessons in the area.

I know most people will not understand the excitement of that phone call, but I was bouncing off the walls. After realizing how drastically this phone call change my mood, I began to feel the ridiculousness of it all. I turned and looked at my work friend and said, "I think you are only supposed to be this excited when the love of your life has recently proposed." But I was in a fabulous mood for the rest of my time at work, short of one nasty incident with my manager.

It was amazing. All I can think about right now is dancing.

Reading

I have just started reading Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot. Cory and Katie gave me this book for Christmas. Katie has been recommending it to me for quite some time and I really wanted to read it.

I have liked what I have read so far. However, while reading it, I was hoping that I would be distracted from other things or led to give up other things. But, this has not been the case, my mind has been more focused than ever. This is really vague, I know. I just really needed to say something.

I hope through prayerfully reading this book, I will find some wisdom and guidance for my heart and mind.

Weird

I just got some other news which makes me not want to post these stories, but I promised Dawn I would.

Dawn, I need to talk to you soon....

Story 1:
I wrote about this last year, here.

This guy is back. He has been in the store the last two days. He has watched me as I have hurried around the store. Weird.

Story 2:
I work with some interesting people at Borders. That is the premise for this story. I rushed into the bathroom yesterday, despite being busy because I really "had to go." I then rush back out of the bathroom and collide with this person who I believe to be Victor, a guy who I work with. I would not put it past Victor to purposely collide with me. I had been body checked twice already that day by two different male employees. So, I just sort of roll away from the guy. Then I hear a deep, "I'm sorry, are you OK?" At this point, I realize that it is not Victor and become incredibly embarrassed that I didn't apologise first. I mumble, "yes, I am okay" and rush on to my section of the store.
I felt guilty most of yesterday. Today, I am working in the kids section, and a man walks in. He walks directly up to me and says, "Hey, I ran into you yesterday, literally, as you were coming out of the bathroom." I turn about eight shades of red and say, "Oh, I am so sorry about that." He brushes it off and says, "So, how are you doing today?" I'm confused and answer, "fine, and you?" He again brushes off my answer and introduces himself. I don't remember his name. I introduce myself, despite my name tag and tell him it was nice to meet him. He then turns around and starts to walk away. I say, "could I help you find something?" He says, "No, I just really wanted to talk to you." He smiles. I smile. End of story.

Story 3:
There is a guy at work who is just a lot of fun to joke around with. In the past several days he has made several comments about my beauty. They have all been made while joking, but they all have been positive.

Now it's time for the perspective which I obtained as I was driving home.

The last several weeks, I have felt disgustingly hideous. My acne is worse than it has been in years and I am still much larger than I would like to be. I have pretty much decided that it doesn't matter who I really am, that most people cannot see beyond the acne and fat to anything positive inside of me.

So, here's my thought, which has been confirmed the more I think about occurrences in the last several days. I feel hideous and sure that people cannot see anything good beyond my physical appearance, so God plants three different men in my way to prove to me that there is more to me than my fat and acne. That someone can, in fact, find me attractive. And while I am not even remotely interested in any of the aforementioned males, it is amazing the way God has provided a glimpse of what He sees when he looks at me.

Woohoo

I am a college graduate! SWEET!

No more school..... ever.....

Ignorance

I have a gripe.

I get really frustrated with people speaking out while being completely ignorant of the effects of their comments..

A man came up to me today at work. A complete stranger said to me, "You should really wash your face with Product X. It will help to clear up your face."

I admit this has happened to me before, but it struck a different chord today.

Why? I woke up feeling ugly. I looked in the mirror and had my suspicions confirmed. I thought, "can anybody see beyond my acne or is that all anyone can see?" I had to get a new driver's license today. What was the first thing a noticed about my picture? Yikes, my face looks horrible.

I realize the man was trying to be helpful, but it was so much more detrimental than helpful. I had in fact used the product before and every other product anyone has ever mentioned to me. Just a word of advice, before you offer a suggestion to a random stranger, consider that the person may not want their most sensitive flaws pointed out by complete strangers.

This man confirmed my suspicion that people cannot in fact see beyond my acne. They just see my ugly, scarred, red face. Thanks mister.

Done

I am done! Officially!!!! YES!!

Broken

I have broken a chain today!

I didn't post about this, this morning because I didn't want to jinx myself.

I drove today and didn't get in an accident.

While that may not seem like big news to you, let me preface.

The last two years I have gotten in a car accident on the first big snow while driving to or from a school observation. This is what I was preparing myself for this morning as I was preparing to drive in the snow for the first time this winter on my way to a school for an observation. But delightfully, no accident! Hooray!!

Sweet

For those of you who are counting along.... There are merely six days left until I am officially done student teaching.... Sweet!

This exciting news merits some song lyrics....

We don't need no education.
We don't need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teachers, leave those kids alone.
Hey, Teacher, leave those kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

-Pink Floyd, Another Brick in the Wall

School's out for summer
School's out forever
School's been blown to pieces

No more pencils
No more books
No more teacher's dirty looks

Out for summer
Out till fall
We might not go back at all
School's out forever
School's out for summer
School's out with fever
School's out completely

-Alice Cooper, School's Out

Oh we're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
Oh we're not gonna take it anymore

We've got the right to choose it
There ain't no way we'll lost it
This is our life, this is our song

We'll fight the powers that be just
Don't pick our destiny 'cause
You don't know us, you don't belong

Oh we're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
Oh we're not gonna take it anymore

-Twisted Sister, We're Not Gonna Take It