Alone

Ever been completely surrounded by people and felt totally and completely alone?

I got a phone call today. In the time when I was on the phone, I felt so cared about and understood. Amy knows me, and wants to know how I am doing, really doing. She digs deep and won't let me get away with surface level answers. I love that. I have gotten used to this with her and I no longer attempt to give those kinds of answers to her. As I was on the phone, I realized how much I will miss my life on campus. I miss those coffee shop conversations. I miss emergency Amy meals. I miss people knowing me well enough that they don't let me not open up. They force me to tell them what I am thinking and actually care about my thoughts. Beyond that, they provide godly and biblical input on my thoughts and feeling. As soon as I finished the phone call, I felt totally and completely alone again. Scary feeling.

In listening to some music tonight on the ride to the hotel, I couldn't stop the tears.

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”

-Praise You In This Storm -Casting Crowns

I throw up my hands.
"Oh, the impossibilities."
Frustrated and tired,
where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly.
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fears.
I think I can't, I think I can't.
But, I think you can, I think you can.
I think I can't, I think I can't.
But, I think you can, I think you can.
Gather my inefficiencies and place them in your hands.

-For the Moments I Feel Faint - Relient K

Sorry, rambled thoughts from an extremely emotionally raw girl....