Joy

So another post for the day....

I was sitting on the couch, avoiding packing, and I began thinking about Relient K and how much I enjoy their music.

I know they have been touring with secular music groups, and I was afraid that like most Christian bands who are presented with a massive increase in pay, they would sacrifice the lyrics for the money.

So, I went to my favorite lyrics page to look at some of the old lyrics and saw their new CD's was out. I checked out the lyrics. Most of the tracks were rather ambiguous, but then again, a great deal of their music has been in the past. However, I was delightfully surprised with the last song called Deathbed. It is the most outright I have ever heard them. I can't wait to get this CD now and listen to the rest of it!

Deathbed

By; Relient K

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home
The year was nineteen forty one
I was eight years old and
Far far too young
To know that the stories
Of battles and glory
Was a tale a kind mother
Made up for her son
You see
Dad was a traveling preacher
Teaching the words of the Teacher
My mother left mourning
Went off to the war
And died there with honor
Somewhere on a beach there
But he left once to never return
Which taught me that I should unlearn
Whatever I thought a father should be
I abandoned that thought
Like he abandoned me
By forty seven I was fourteen
I'd acquired a taste for liquor and nicotine
I smoked until I threw up
Yet I still lit 'em up for thirty more years
Like a machine
So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I'd do again
But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home
I got married on my twenty first
Eight months before my wife would give birth
It's easier to be sure you love someone
When her father inquires with the barrel of a gun
The union was far from harmonious
No two people could have been more alone than us
The years would go by and she'd love someone else
And I realized I hadn't been loved yet myself
And there's your typical spiel
Yeah if life was a highway
I was drunk at the wheel
I was seeing the loose ends
All fall apart
Yeah I swear I was destined to fail
And fail from the start
I bowled about six times a week
The bottle of Beam kept the memories from me
The marriage had taken a seven-ten split
Along with my pride the ex-wife took the kids
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I'd do again
But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home
I was so scared of Jesus
But He sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs
That's killing me now
And I've given up hope
On the days I have left
But I cling to the hope
Of my life in the next
Then Jesus showed up
Said "Before we go"
"I thought that we might reminisce"
"See one night in your life"
"When you turned out the light"
"You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness"
You cried wolf
The tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, "What have I done?"
You loved that lamb
With every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite
You said, "Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day please take me home with you"
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear You whisper to me,
"It's time to leave
You'll never be lonely again"
But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home
[Jon Foreman of Switchfoot sings, as the voice of Jesus:]
I am the Way
Follow Me
And take My hand
And I am the Truth
Embrace Me and you'll understand
And I am the Light
And for Me you'll live again
For I am Love
I am Love
I, I am Love

Reflection

Last night was amazingly fun and heart-breaking all at the same time.

Yesterday started with Super Brunch. It would be too long to explain the process of brunch growing throughout the semester, so suffice it to say, brunch is a lot of Navs getting together and fellowshiping over breakfast food.

Then we had the junior jams invaded cook-out. My class eats together every Wednesday. We decided to have a cook-out and it was invaded... big time... So we have about 30 people just below my apartment cooking out, chatting, playing sports, playing my guitar, and various other activities. It was during this event I began to have a realization.

Next we head to date night with Amy Redman., The girls that I have grown up with in college decided to meet together and insist that Amy comes for our last time all together. This basically cemented the deal.

So late last night, after talking with my roommate for an exceptionally long time, I realized yesterday was the last time I will ever see about 95 percent of those people. I tried to look around, I tried to absorb it all and enjoy every moment. But at some point, you realize. This is the end.

Leaving Purdue is very bitter-sweet. I use that word because I have heard Travis say it and enormous amount of time in the past few weeks. I am so ready for summer. I am ready to live by the Liskeys and be able to see them frequently. I am ready to live at home and take whatever stress that will undoubtedly bring from being a divorced kid. I am ready to not ever, ever, ever, have to take another exam. I am ready to start real life and experience whatever God has for me in that. But some part of me still feels like I will return here in the fall. I am not ready to leave my Navigator girls. I am not ready to eventually lose contact with most of these people because that is just a sad effect of real life. I am not ready to lose this comfort zone of being surrounded by Christians who spur me on at every turn and every event in my life. I am not ready to give up the randomness of college life. I am not ready to lose my group of girl's from last years study.

All these emotions came to a head last night. I am not a crier. I am not a very emotional person. But I am waiting for this realization of "the last time" to hit.

Sorry, this is sort of a bummer post, but that is where I am at right now.

Finals

This is my last finals week ever. Tomorrow/Today, I have two finals back to back. Friday, I have an evening final. I have four online class assignments to finish and an essay to write about The Cold War. All this in a mere five days.

CRAP

I am so ready for this semester to be over. Once again I have failed. I have stuck it out this whole year with this stupid history class with a prof who likes to watch pornos in class. I have gone every day and I have worked my tail off to be ready for his stupid exams. Today they were giving out the essays for the take home final exam. I was up way late working on homework and reading for my online class. I woke up at 9:45 for my 9:00 power hour. Which for you non-college people means it ends at 10:15. I haul my tail to class and get there at 10:14, only to find the room totally empty. I am now in a fury. I call my roommate ask her for the office hours and location. Apparently, we like to think that the office hours are in the big lecture hall. I don't think so. So I call my roommate back again to get the email address of my TA, so I can send her an email begging and pleading and pointing out my normal responsibility and great attendance. Which brings us to right now. I am sitting in a lab awaiting her response and doing whatever I can to fill up the time and prevent my from absolutely freaking out in front of about 40 people who currently occupy this room.

I will let you know the outcome as soon as I find out as well.


UPDATE: Thanks to my very refined begging skills and the kindness shown by some random person who I stalked on facebook. Both one of the TA's and the girl I contacted on facebook, sent me the essay questions. :) Its amazing how you don't realize how stressed you are until its over. I literally started crying and realized I had been tensing my back for about six hours. So now I am very calm, sore, and looking forward to babysitting this evening.

Counting

In case you are playing along at home....
I have 5 more days of classes....
I have 14 more days until I can no longer call West Lafayette a place of residence...

Eight

Eight days of classes left in my on-campus college career!

Coleman

He is everywhere. Everywhere I eat and on Every bus I ride. Apparently, it is not just me who has had strange occurrence with this crazy boy. He has apparently harassed many of the Navigator woman. I saw him today at lunch. I didn't realize I was walking right next to him. He looked at me and smiled. Now to anyone who had not had an experience with Coleman and then heard about four other creepy stories about his conversations with women, would not have been weirded out. Unfortunately, I know too much about him. I think I need to go into hiding to avoid him for a while... Fortunately there were two Navigator boys near by who I could have called upon if put in an awkward situation.

It occurs to me that some of you may not know to whom I am referring..... I have my own story which I believe I blogged about earlier in the year, since then I have heard many more stories. For a refresher, check out October 23, 2006.

Computer

My laptop seems to be pulling through. It hasn't crashed for several days. Good news.

Now that my laptop is making it to the end of the semester, all I have to do is stay healthy enough to finish.

Technology

My computer is on the fritz..... Who knows..... My friend Ryan was incredibly helpful in bringing my computer back from the dead, not once but twice, but now he is out of ideas.... At one point he said my computer was possessed.... Not a good sign.... So, I am waiting, holding my breath and hoping my computer stays on until tomorrow!

Have no fear, Ryan helped me to get everything important off my computer, including my Disney pictures which I was seriously sobbing about when thinking about losing them forever.

Today, Ryan is my hero and my favorite person!

Time

Time.... Always need more time....