Checklist

Okay... This is really only for my benefit... I need to do a mental checklist of things I need to get done before the competition weekend.

Church

• Create and Print out new attendance sheets for March 1st
• Find a replacement for myself for March 1st
• Ask Julie if she will replace my Nursery worker for March 1st
• Ice skating outing on the 22nd. (I will not be skating for fear of injury right before the comp)
• Get Kiddie Kamp up-to-date
• Order 1st shipment of bibles
• Get church card paid off so I can buy bibles
• Talk to Pastor Mark about aid for Kindergarten Teacher
• Talk to Pastor Mark about aid for Kiddie Kamp
• Record Attendance for 22nd.
• Record perfect attendance for the month of February
• Select new song for kids to sing during offering
• Change bulletin board for new unit
• Create calendar for month of March
• Call Personal Journeys and Desperate Housewives small groups to remind them I need an attendance count every week.

Personal

• Wash and put away all clothes
• Clean clutter out of bedroom
• Vacuum bedroom
• Get Danno's Birthday Gift

Dance

• Coaching with Ray Rivers on 2/18
• Group lessons with Ray on 2/18 and 2/19
• Lesson with Tim on 2/20
• Final Lesson with Tim 2/24
• Pack for the hotel stay
• Try on dresses again
• Find appropriate undergarments for final selection of dance dresses
• Find a cover up to wear over gowns for the evening
• Decide how to wear my hair for both days of competition
• Pack beautifying stuff (hair, makeup, false eye-lashes)
• Test out putting on fake eye-lashes
• Manicure and Pedicure
• Tan four or five more times
• Chip in my portion for hotel stay
• Charge up Camera
• Pack highlighters for program
• Pack dresses in garment bag
• Pray and try to eliminate my nerves.

Marathon

Kevin, I'll be looking for some feedback on this one...

In talking with one of my dancing friends about my current back and shoulder problems, she compared our prepping for a competition to that of a marathon runner prepping for a marathon or a body builder prepping for a competition.

She has run a few marathons in the past and explains that after months and months of training, the competitor is often in their worst condition on the day of the competition. Bringing with them an array of icy-hot patches and pain killers. They are likely nursing an injury caused by gearing up their training.

If that is the case, then I am right on track. Currently, both shoulders are hurting (normally it is just my right) and my back is really hurting (normally just my lower back). I been trying to cram for this competition. I have been trying to drill in the correct frame for the smooth style of ballroom, which is an incredible unnatural pose for the woman. This is not totally new, but has not been emphasized this much in the past. I am trying to force this position to feel natural and comfortable enough to hold this position despite changes in my lower body. In order to do this it takes extreme strength in my back and shoulders which I have never had. Therefore, the muscles from my elbows down and my hind quarters up feel as though they are tied up in massive knots.

Try it: Here is the position for the women. 1. Stand up as straight and tall as possible both feet together with whole body facing forward. 2. Bend knees maintaining the length through the rest of your body. You should lose about 3 inches in height. 3. Roll shoulders as far back as they can go and then press them down into your core. 4. Bring arms up to be parallel with the floor. Continually push them forward applying constant pressure through your entire arms. 5. While keeping hips and feet facing forward, rotate your upper body to the right to almost a 45 degree angle. 5. Arch your lower back and lean backwards approximately 20 degrees. 6. Turn head left just shy of the left shoulder. Extend neck as high up as possible and look upwards. Meanwhile, maintain all of the length created in the first step. Now imagine changing the direction of travel, changing hip direction and concentrating on steps all while maintaining this incredibly unnatural position. This is what I am cramming.

I am just getting over the stomach flu and I have my lesson with Ray this week. I am just short of terrified. Tim is a pusher. He doesn't settle for anything less than my best. In fact sometimes he doesn't even settle for my best. He will be my partner during this lesson. Then there is Ray. Who is an incredible wealth of knowledge and also known to be a pusher. He is also known for putting you in the frame you need to be in and causing extreme soreness the next day. While I know this experience will be invaluable, I am so nervous. I want to make sure I am dancing at the best of my ability so as to get the most out of the hour I can.

We are in the count down until comp. Just a mere 11 days until I am competing. Yikes!

So Kev, do you agree that you are in your worst physical condition right before a race?

Waiting

It's been a long month. I have been struggling with balance this month. I have meant to write several times because I have had lots of thoughts, but very little time. So this is going to be sort of pieced together for the month.

I have been struggling quite a bit with balance lately. My life seems to be constantly running out of time. My daily schedule looks something like this (provided it has not recently snowed or it starts much earlier):

• 4:45 alarm starts going off
• 5:15 roll out of bed
• 5:30 leave the house
• 6:00 arrive at parkinson's house
• 6:15 parents have left, power nap
• 6:40 wake up kids, return to family room and power nap
• 7:10 pester kids to get moving faster
• 7:20 get kids breakfast
• 7:30 get their backpacks ready
• 7:40 walk to bus stop
• 7:45 kids get picked up, and i head home
• 8:20 back to my bed
• 11:35 alarm starts going off
• 12:00 roll out of bed
• 12:30 workout
• 1:30 tan
• 2:00 shower
• 2:30 head to church to pick up files
• 3:00 work at home
• 5:00 head to studio
• 11:00 home from studio
• 12:00 roll back into bed
• rinse and repeat

I long to spend time with Carrie and her family. I rarely get to do that anymore. The best that I can usually fit it in is to go work at her house instead of mine or see her at the office when we both have to be here. I long to just sit and watch a movie. To veg and relax and simply do nothing. I love to stay out late at night. I am by nature a night owl. I want to go out after being at the studio, but know I will pay for it in the morning. I want to read the three books I have sitting next to my bed. I want to study my bible more.

Here is where the catch-22 comes in. If I gave up my job babysitting early in the morning, I would be able to sleep like a normal person and get all 8 hours of sleep in one setting. I would be able to start my church work and workout routine earlier and be able to see the Liskeys more often. However, this job with the Parkinson's is the difference between me being able to advance in my dancing and simply taking a lesson. I wouldn't be able to swing it without the job. I want nothing more than to be able to dance for the rest of my life. I want to teach. I want to turn pro. I just feel like there isn't enough of me to go around and some days I get massively discouraged.

One week, when I was struggling deeply with the balance issue, I declared to myself, "Why can't I?" Most people live their whole lives doing something they don't enjoy. Most people never discover what it is that they truly love to do. Why can't I work for my dreams and make it happen. I WANT to make it happen. I realized that meant making some sacrifices. I would do my best to spend time with the people who I need to spend time with, but I would accept that there will never be enough time to do it all. I will accept that I will continually feel on the edge of illness due to exhaustion because someday I will be good enough to be hired on by a studio and I will be able to stop the job that is wiping me out.

I decided that the reason why most people give up on their dreams is because it is not the easiest route to go. It is much easier to settle for less. It is much easier to accept mediocre, but I want the abundant life. John 10:10. I don't want to settle for the easy road and I don't want to waste the natural ability I have been given.

My birthday was an interesting time. I was still deeply in the midst of this internal struggle and completely and totally exhausted. I remember saying to Carrie that I wasn't ready for the weekend. I was tired from a week of work and the weekend was going to be very VERY busy. My birthday weekend was a good one though. Mom allowed me to do what I love best and I danced every day that weekend. We went to dinner on Sunday and she gave me the amazing gift of no pressure. She was relaxed and let schedule the weekend in the way that was easiest and best for me. Thanks mom! Not to mention I now smell beautifully.

However, Carrie and Danno gave me some amazing gifts. As I have said, I have been unable to be as present as I have been in the past. The increase in dancing time has affected the Liskey clan more than anyone else. I was constantly riddled with guilt. But they gave me a gift which was far beyond the actual material gifts. They gave me support and encouragement. Carrie is writing me a children's book for me to read to my children one day about my journey into dancing. She also gave me a notebook full of inspirational dancing quotes to use as I teach and continue to learn. Danno gave me a dance book which has technique and figures in it. Amazing gifts, but they speak far beyond their materials. Carrie told me she was proud of me and amazed that I was pursuing my dreams. It was incredibly valuable to me to know that the person I feel like I am most letting down is not begrudging my decisions, but supporting them. Amazing.

Last week was a rough one again. I had a series of really rough lessons with my instructor. He has not competed in several years and I think the pressure may be mounting on him as well. We normally get along exceedingly well, but he was down right mean the last two lessons. He would laugh in my face as I made a mistake or would explain my mistake, then proceed to show me how stupid it looked, and then continue on in the action until I caved. My confidence was shattered. I was frustrated by how hard I was working and yet apparently still sucked. I didn't sleep at all. I was running through routines and I was very hard on my body as I fought to regain the technique I was told that I lost.

Right before my lesson this Friday, I watched Fireproof. It is an incredible movie, but more than that it has a great song in it.

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You,

Lord And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

- While I'm Waiting - John Waller

This song spoke to me of waiting on the Lord. Being patient and believing He is in control despite how much it sucks. I headed to my lesson feeling stronger and more at peace than I had in a long time. I was able to stand up for myself to Tim and explain that I couldn't handle him laughing at me. We normally kid around a lot, but it had gone too far. He was fine and I had a good lesson. He still pushed really hard, but I left feeling capable of making the changes that needed to be made.

On the 18th, I will have my first coaching session with Ray Rivers. I am completely terrified, but I know that I will drastically better for the experience. It is a lot of money, but it further puts me on the track of where I want to be.

The comp is coming up. I will be competing on the mornings of Feb 27th and 28th. I am nervous, but the focus has overcome the nervousness.

That's enough thoughts for now.

Challenge

We are in the count down to the Indiana Challenge.





Yes, I am still going to do it. Yes, I am still going to dance as many dances as I can. I am determined to live out my dreams. I will not settle for less or let myself be discouraged from following my passions.





Anyway, by my count there are about seven weeks til the competition. I am getting nervous. I am not sure why. I will be competing way below my level, so I should be ok, but nervous still. It should be interesting, my teachers has not competed in several years. It should be interesting to see him gear up for competition.





Life is busy busy busy in the meantime. Hard to believe what all I manage to cram into each day. Oh well, workin hard to make my dreams come true. Go Big or Go Home!

Showcase

So, it has been a long time coming. I apologise. I had some technical difficulties with the video camera. For those of you who could not attend the showcase. Here are the video clips of me dancing in order of their occurrence. Please do not post these anywhere else, as I do not really want anyone who doesn't know me to see them. I will also be deleting them shortly off of the website that is hosting them. So I would suggest saving it to your computer or I can try to make you a copy of the video, but the DVD transfer is not going well. Thanks.

First Up:

Advanced American Style Waltz Freestyle

(Freestyle implies that there are multiple couples on the floor and that the dance is not choreographed. It is strictly lead and follow. No pre-established plans.)

This is in night vision. Mom couldn't figure out how to turn it off. And therefore I look enormous. Oh well.

Waltz

Second Up:

Advanced American Style Tango Freestyle

This is in night vision. Mom couldn't figure out how to turn it off. And therefore I look enormous. Oh well.

Tango

Third Up:

Dancing with James. General Dancing. The only non-showpiece I got to do all night. Hustle

Fourth Up:

American Style Bolero Solo

(Solo implies just one couple on the floor and the routine is choreographed and rehearsed. Bolero is only an American style dance and one of the most romantic of the rhythm dances.)

This one is a large disappointment to me because Tim forgot the ending the routine and could not recover. I was so bummed. I had done a perfect routine up until that portion.

Bolero

Fifth Up:

American Style Cha Cha Freestyle

This dress was a lot of exposure for me, so I held back quite a bit on this dance for fear a wardrobe malfunction.

Cha Cha

Sixth Up:

American Style East Coast Swing Freestyle

Same dress problem. Held back a lot of my normal swing attitude.

Swing

Seventh Up:

Formation

(These are a variety of warm-up routines which Ray Rivers has taught us. The first portion is a samba. The second a rumba. The third a cha cha. This was the cha cha that I had demonstrated for Ray a few months back.)

I must say I am very proud of my cuban motion in this one. (Cuban Motion refers to hip movement)

Formation

That in a nutshell is the showcase. I am now starting to focus on the next event. Which is hopefully The Indiana Challenge at the end of February. It is at the Radisson in Merrillville. However it is going to be a really really tight squeeze money wise. I need about $1,000.00 alone to do the competition. That does not include the cost of lessons to prep for it. So if there was any doubt about what I would like for Christmas or my birthday, all I want is to be able to do the Competition. Any and all donations towards the goal are greatly appreciated!

Exhausted

Yeah, I'm pretty much feelin' like this kid.

Waiting

I feel as though I am waiting for my life to begin. Waiting has often been a common theme in my life. I am working towards the things I want in my life and I am working hard to make it happen. I have taken on a second job to make enough money to continue to learn enough about dance so I can teach someday. I will soon be keeping crazy hours to make sure I can get the money I need, dance, and still be able to spend time with my favorite children in the world. Just FYI, please do not call me before 2PM on Saturdays as this will be my day to catch up on sleep.



So what am I waiting for?



To be "discovered" and asked to teach.

To earn enough money so that I don't have a panic attack every other week.

To perform in my showcase and competition and be able to pay for both events.

To find someone who loves me. Yes, yes, singleness freak-out. But, I spend 90% of my time with people who are older than me and already in the married stage of their lives and I find myself over eager to be "in love".

So, as I have been wasting time looking for comics to match the thoughts, it occurred to me, I am comparing myself to others. The people who I graduated with are either, still in school and thus haven't started "The Real World", or are getting married, or have started their dream career that their schooling prepared them for. I don't fit in any of those scenarios. I guess I am one of those modern kids, who is looking for something beyond ok or normal. I want a job that I absolutely love to do. I want to wake up and be excited to go to work. The job at the church is great, and I do find satisfaction in it, but it isn't the "perfect" job for me. I am not willing to settle on somebody who is less than what God has for me for a mate. I believe God has someone who he created just for me. So, here I am waiting for my life to begin. Trusting that God, who created me with the passions and talents that I have, will bring about an abundant life for me. In the mean time, I do the best I can, to serve, love, live, and be the best I can.

Busy

The past several weeks have been crazy.

I drove into Chicago for the first time in my life on the 19th. I must say, I will always prefer to ride than drive, but at least I know I can do it. The Harvest Moon Ball Competition was that Saturday. I went with a friend of mine. It was a interesting weekend. The professional show was unlike anything I had ever seen. They were the World Latin Showdance Champions. I realize that doesn't mean much to most people, but suffice it to say, they were incredible. I drove home early Sunday morning on only about 2 hours of sleep to get to work at the church. Then went on a hay ride with twenty people as a children's ministry outing. Shortly there after, I crashed for a solid 16 hours.

On the 20th, I realized one of my tires was losing air fast. Mom followed me to a tire place where I was told that my tire was too bald to fix and I would have to have a new one. Bummer. I then asked if all of my tires (besides the one I had fixed at the beginning of the summer) were in the same condition. I was told that they were and that the other two would need to be fixed before winter. This was a scary reality. I consider myself to be paying for college right now while working a full time job. I am paying to learn to dance so I can eventually get a job dancing, so it is similar to paying for college and just about as expensive. So with the showcase coming up, and the competition just around the corner, I was really bummed out. At staff meeting on Thursday, they were asking for prayer requests and I explained my situation. Low and behold, the next day I am told that a good friend of mine pulled some strings that he had and found me an incredible deal for the two tires I needed. I didn't ask him to do this for me. I wouldn't have asked him to do this for me. I was raised to be self-sufficient and that's what I am. But because he has a servant's heart, he found a way to help me out. I am so grateful. So my tires got fixed just before it started icing this weekend.

On Sunday, the 26th, I taught dance for the first time. It was incredible. A local church called me up and asked if I would teach for 6 to 8 weeks on a volunteer basis. I figured it was a step in the right direction to becoming a paid professional. As it turns out, there were several times while I was teaching, that I had an out of body experience, and realized that I was incredibly happy. I was smiling and laughing and enjoying myself. I got excited when the kids understood what I was teaching and was able to duplicate it (something that never occurred while i was student teaching). It was definitely a confirmation for me that I need to teach dance. I can't wait to teach dance. I will do whatever I have to do scrimping and saving in order to continue my training so I can do it.

I am training with Tim for the past several weeks for my showcase on December 7th. We are dancing a Bolero, which is a slow (requiring great control) rhythm dance. I am hopeful he will have a least half of the routine worked out by this Friday so we can start working on nit-picking instead of experimenting with what could work. For those of you who might like to attend, Tickets are on sale now. If you get them before the 14th, they are $25. If you get them after, it is $30. The ticket deadline is the 28th.

Sometimes dance is the best kind of therapy for me. I could not imagine a better line up than Tango last night and Paso Doble tonight. Here are some quotes I found online about each dance.

Tango

• When you embrace your partner do so gently, tenderly, as you would an infant. Or do it roughly - if you and s/he trust each other and have the skill to suggest violent passion, forcefulness that is just the right side of pain rather than being actual pain, actual damage.
• The body is closer, more intimate than in any other dance form. And yet the 2 legs move faster and with more deadly accuracy than in any other comparable dance. It is this combination of sensual, meditative, relaxed contact in the upper body and swift, almost martial arts-like repartee in the lower body that gives the tango its unique identity.
• A good tango dancer is someone who has rhythm and who has a good musical ear. He also has respect for the woman; to know what to do at the right time with the right partner. He adapts himself to the woman. He makes her feel that she is the best dancer. He dances for her.
• The forms of tango are like stages of a marriage. The American tango is like the beginning of a love affair, when you're both very romantic and on your best behavior. The Argentine tango is when you're in the heat of things and all kinds of emotions are flying: passion, anger, humor. The International tango is like the end of the marriage, when you're staying together for the sake of the children.
• Tango Showdance

Paso Doble

• It is full of energy, strict and powerful. With his haughty, bold pride the dancer expresses his superiority like a Torero. He convincingly transfers this solemn appeal to the audience. The woman, on the other hand, generates a self-confident distance to him, without surrendering to the power of the master. She is the literal image of the “Capa”; the red cloth that the Torero uses to keep the bull under control, and is, like this, lithe, agile and elegant.
• This dance teaches discipline and gives the couple rather little artistic freedom. It requires a lot of practice on the other hand, and should be taught regularly and early in the dancer’s career because it demands a lot of expressiveness and musicality. Furthermore it is very exhausting and requires the use of every single muscle. In the closed pose the dancers have continuous body contact from chest to thigh. This leads to the touching hands being held much higher than in all the other competition dances. In the promenade position the body contact is released and the Paso Doble danced with great distance.
• Beata & Michael Wentink

Denial

Do you ever have days when you think "This is not my life"? Sometimes this can be an amazing thing. I experienced a positive version of this in February at the Indiana Challenge Ballroom Competition. I had joined the world of glitter and glam and high society and found myself thinking, "This is not my life." I couldn't figure out how I had gone from babysitting in sweatpants to wearing a ballgown and watching professional ballroom dancers. It was a great realization.

However, lately, my life has taken a jump on the other side. I work pretty hard to keep the drama levels in my life down to a dull roar. This does not mean that I don't like to be dramatic. (I love to tell stories in a dramatic way and sometimes I like to be a bit of a diva). But I try to keep actual drama down and I don't usually associate with people who have a great deal of real drama in their lives. Again, I don't mind it if they like to hype of their dull life like I do, but the presence of real drama makes me want to run.

I have two new friends who have brought with them a storm of real drama. It was a subtle slow beginning or I would have likely fled. But I find myself in the exact middle of several scandalous situations and I find myself thinking, "This is not my life." I work hard to preserve my drama free world. I keep my emotions at bay 95 percent of the time, and yet, here I am stuck in the middle of two friends. How did I get here. How can I get out of the middle? It's odd to me that this drama has now consumed 85 percent of my time and I really have nothing to do with it other than being the mutual friend. Odd.

Sorry, just needed to rant. Feeling quite exhausted and overwhelmed and headed into a sure to be drama filled weekend.