Ignorant

I realize we haven't been married very long but in the last few weeks some things have started to click. You see, the first two and a half months of Chris and my marriage was not exactly what I had imagined. We bickered a great deal about almost everything and I found I had a shorter and shorter fuse because this was not the blissful marriage I had imagined. After about a week of silent tension, I would usually explode and tell him all the things that were wrong with our marriage. Now, our dating life was not much different, but there is an extra level of stress and frustration added when the idea in the back of your head is "for the rest of my life." I could only focus on something is not right. This is not how he is supposed to relate to me. We were both frustrated. He was trying to meet the needs I was telling him that I had. He was being more romantic everyday. I saw that, but something else was missing. Neither one of us could figure it out. He was doing everything he knew how and everything I was telling him I needed, and I was doing everything I knew how. I was writing him notes in his lunch, planning special dinners, and getting little surprises for him, etc. I was loving him the only way I knew how.

This is where the problem arose. You see, I had been taught since a very young age how a man was supposed to treat a woman. He is supposed to cherish her, open doors, adore her, buy her flowers, plan surprises, plan dates, etc. But, I had never learned in specific terms how a woman was supposed to treat a man. I don't know why this lesson seems to be overlooked, but it was. I grew up with a sharp tongued family, with the exception of my mother. It was sport in our family to conjure up a hurricane of words and see who was the last one standing. Now, I should say, there was a line that we were all familiar with that was not meant to be crossed. We could all play this game most of the time without feelings getting seriously hurt. It was just in fun. I also have spent a great deal of time with children. Correcting them on their mistakes to try to help them grow to be better adults. And with this well-meaning, but nasty combination I approach my dear husband.

When I was upset, I would tell him exactly what was on my mind and hold very little back. I would basically tell him he was responsible for fixing what was wrong in our relationship. I would belittle him about those pesky man habits (i.e. un-balling his socks, putting dishes in the dishwasher instead of the sink, putting clothes in the hamper). In my mind I was trying to be helpful. I didn't mean to belittle him, I was trying to use some humor to lesson the blow, but it wasn't coming across that way. Without realizing it, I was doing the very thing he told me he feared most about getting into a relationship with me. I was using my tongue to hurt him. Although, it was not in the overt slicing and dicing method that we both feared. It was more subtle and much more damaging because I couldn't see it happening. You see, I knew how to love my husband unconditionally. I did love him with all my heart, but I did not know how to honor or esteem my husband.

Kevin gave Chris and I a book for Christmas called Love and Respect. I was reading a book at the time and put it next on the read list. Well, I got to about a chapter and a half before the wedding and hadn't had time to pick it back up again. But I had been feeling called to read it. So I found it again and put it in my line of sight so that if I ever had extra time I would pick it back up. The concept had been working me for a few days after one of our worst stand offs in which we both just said, "I don't know what to do or how to fix this." And one day after vacation bible school, I climbed into the tub and began reading. I was terribly convicted and saw right away, my wonderful husband had been diligently working on our marriage and I saw it, but my only response was to criticize. I realized that the missing link in our marriage was not the romance factor as I once assumed, it was my attitude and treatment of Chris.

I didn't ever let him know how greatly I appreciated him, how hard he worked to provide for me, how hard he worked on the house, how much effort he put into trying to appease my every criticism, and most of all how he loved me unconditionally despite my negativity towards him. Once I decided that I was going to be his biggest fan and make sure he knew it everyday, then things began to change. Not so much in the way Chris related to me, although it seems as though I am much easier to love when I am not so negative. But, I went from finding almost everything my husband did horribly annoying and frustrating to now having a hard time coming up with anything that frustrates me about him.

I have always been terrified of going into a relationship with rose colored glasses and then finding something scary when they came off. But I did the exact opposite with Chris. I went into the relationship seeing each and every one of his faults and then in the process, I became something scary. So, after almost three months of marriage I have decided to put my rose colored glasses on. I have decided to only focus on the amazing parts of my husband and how wonderful he is. I have decided to encourage, uplift, and strengthen my husband with my words. Now I will say I am only about a week into this process and I'm sure I will struggle with my tongue. It always has been one of my biggest downfalls, but I am blessed to have God intervened so quickly in our marriage so that this cycle would not have continued longer and created bigger walls and resentment. I have never felt more in love with him or more connected to him. He is my superman, my jack-of-all-trades, my knight in shining armor, my price charming, and my everything.

Random

It's been a long time. But, in my defense, its been busy. I am officially married. Yup, that was weird to type. I have been calling Chris my husband to an excess and not using his name, in hopes that it will start to sink in. I have some bits to talk about.

So yesterday at church, I was doing my normal thing and asking the kids what they have been learning about. And, I discovered the amazing difference in the kids. They are learning their facts. They are learning the bible stories, but the exciting part is that they are starting to really understand who God is and what he is like. That to me, makes my work start to feel worthwhile. They are also now encouraging the adults to bring a bible to church. Sound familiar? I now have a ton of kids who bring theirs every Sunday and perhaps the example of the young is starting to reach the older generation. Lifts my spirit some and helps me to see maybe there is a reason why I am at this church.

My dear sweet husband bought me some new cleaning tools. While that doesn't seem like a good thing, I am apparently much more like my mother than I knew. I love an incredibly clean house, but don't have the desire to do it. So, I had been researching these steam cleaners by shark. There is both a mop one and a sort of smaller multi-purpose one. I used them last night to clean out the dog-nastiness in the lower level. They are amazing! I have never been so excited! I was almost giddy. I know this sounds a tad commerical-ish, but it was so easy and quick. I didn't even have to scrub to clean up stuck on stuff.

On my way home, I heard this song. I love it. It struck a chord with me, made me realize what weight is on my husband's shoulders and how desperately he needs me to stand behind him and support him and pray for him.
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Provision

So yesterday was not a good day. I was struggling a great deal and was about to head into the bank to fight about the credit fraud. I was crying out to God, needing help and needing guidance. I was hearing all these voices in my head, and then as I was pulling into the parking lot, I switched the radio station, and heard "the voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid, the voice of truth says this is for my glory, out of all the voices calling out to me, i will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth." I turned off the car, felt an overwhelming sense of peace and praised God for his provision of exactly what I needed exactly when I needed to hear it.

Hitched

I'm gettin' hitched! :)

Love

So, I hit my head on Monday. Hard. The hardest I have hit it in years. Really hard. Brought tears to my eyes instead of the normal anger. Mom was with me. Instant headache. Lasted most of the day. Mom and I continued work cleaning out the office. Then was sitting and watching a movie with Chris much later on Monday night. Headache increased. I started feeling migraine symptoms. Issues with light and sound and increasing pressure in my head. I laid down on the couch. Chris asked what I was feeling. I told him headache was getting worse, but would have to wait until tomorrow to decide whether or not it was a concussion. He asked what would happen with that. I explained the normal process and my night procedure about getting up every few hours. He asked why I did that and I explained. He got up to do something and then came back and squatted in front of me. Held my head in his hands and I could feel his face resting on my head. I was just about to ask him if he was okay, when I felt his mouth moving, and realized he was praying over my head. I felt so loved. I had been feeling like an insane burden because of my health. I had been sick for almost a month with some nasty cold infection thing. Then followed by my time of the month with includes massive stomach and back pain. Then this. I felt like a decrepit old woman. I was sure that he must be annoyed with my illnesses by now. I have always believed that my health would be something that would drive whoever away from me. But in an incredibly tender moment, he allayed my fears. He held my head in his hands and petitioned our Savior for help. Showing me love beyond what I could imagine. The next day, my headache lasted right through until about 1 PM with no concussion symptoms and still no symptoms. It was just too important of a story to me not to share.

New Stuff

I don't have much to say, but lots of pictures. Mom got me a new camera for my birthday. A tad early. So here are pictures of new things in my life. Excuse the mess of the house. Multiple projects, training dogs, and I have been sick for the last three weeks. But, I figured most people hadn't seen the new digs or dog.

Foxy - after a long walk and a bath

Calli - same situation post bath and walk

My Baby - With the typical appeasement face. He's so great at playing up to me.

Calli - being a good girl

Foxy - I love the way she cocks her head to look at you. Such a human.

Jerry's Space in the Lower Level

Chris's mom came and went on a shopping spree which included washer, dryer, freezer, lawmower, snowblower, weed-eater, leaf blower, curtains, rugs, Chris's new bed, and stocking us with groceries and half a cow and a pig.

More stock of stuff in the lower level laundry room

New Washer and Dryer

Downstairs Pantry in the Laundry room

Back half of the family room leading out to the second deck.

New curtains in the Family Room

Dining Room table covered with project stuff. Foxy is on a leash near here and likes to tie herself up so the chairs can not be around the table until she is trained enough to be off the leash.

Kitchen

Main deck - You can see water from this deck and the front window. It's a huge deck. Great for grilling and entertaining.

View from the Front room near the window.

Front room - I have tried desperately to keep this area clean. It's one of my favorite parts of the house, but projects continue to overtake the room. It's sort of the library/reading room.

View of the entry way.

Upstairs pantry which was converted from a coat closet.

Bathroom

Hallway leading back to the bedrooms and office

Chris's New Bed

Office - I have been shredding papers like crazy. Only have like 5 more boxes.

My Bed - Had been working in here, so you can barely see the bed.

Dance

last week’s friday five had a challenge rather than a question:

try to incorporate dancing into your week and tell us how it goes!

let’s see how the five did…and feel free to share any dancing adventures of your own.

lissie

so…i can think of 4 times i got to dance this week.
1. i babysat ethan a little on sat morning to give brent and meredith a small break and we played a kiddie cranium game that involved some dance moves.
2. halloween night at nathan’s turned into a kitchen dance party. it started with couples being goofy and turned into everyone moving around. that was a blast!!
3. chris twirled me around a little at the joe nichols concert on tuesday night.
4. my class got canceled last night so i joined tracy and some friends for some bday dancing downtown. while it was good to hang out with girls, djs refused to give me any 80s, ac/dc, or bon jovi so i went home early. punks. i thought of cory getting his groove on at 80s/ladies (or however that goes) and wished i could teleport to columbus.

kimi

Kinda a lame dance week for me. I was expecting to have more to say. Went to a group lesson at the studio wednesday night. It was a pretty standard lesson, with all stuff that I already know, but I impressed my instructor with the stuff I had been working on. Then he gave me the CD to listen to for the solo I am going to do in December. The song is cell block tango from Chicago and I have to test out the edits he made. We have been planning out the choreography and which parts of the song I would be acting out. We’ll start the actual movement work on that tonight. The best part however, has be designing costuming for that event in the style of the musical. Lots of black fishnets and gothic-y looking clothes. Fun.

Jen

I had a week that I was completely unprepared for. In the midst of unexpected events, I wish I had remembered that our challenge this week was to dance- maybe it would have made it all more fun!

As it was, I danced a few times with my 3 year old (which is pretty normal). My favorite dance time was when she was hooked up to a creathing machine getting an albuterol treatment at her doctor’s office and we were dancing around the exam room together while she sang an impromptu song about medicine smoke coming out her nose. hehe. And I don’t mean sweet dancing like me holding her and swaying. I mean both of us on our feet, boogie-down, rock-out dancing. With breathing tubes and mask and all. =)

Rachel

There was not enough dancing in my week! On Monday we had over a professor and he brought his two-year-old child, and we danced. After dinner we cleaned up the kitchen and put on fun music and shook our booties a little while putting away our mismatched plates. I know Jill Scott songs were involved. That was super fun.

I think the only other times I danced while was preparing cookies or brushing my teeth. That seems OK. You just have to be careful that you don’t hurt yourself with the toothbrush. Hygiene is dangerous!

Cory

about dancing, mine has been irreverence. i didn’t go out dancing or anything this last week, but there were a few times when i was being talked to, and i didn’t really like how the talk was going, so i just started to shake it. dance as protest.

Days

Ever have one of those days when you stick your entire foot in your mouth? When you thought without a doubt that you were totally and completely right on this issue, and then you hear the other perspective and you just can't shrink small enough. Yeah. Days when you wish you could literally swallow back up those words? Yeah. Today is that day for me.

Song Lyrics? Sure, why not.

Relient K, of course.... Bite my Tongue

I was gonna spell it out
In detail but
I dropped the call
Before I spilled my guts
The floor stayed clean
Like my conscience would be
'Cause if you heard anything
You didn't hear it from me

I'm sweeping up the seconds
That tick off the clock
Save them all for later
When I'm too ticked to talk
And I need some time
To search my mind
To locate the words
That seem so hard to find

And sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
The most crucial thing I lack is the thing called "tact"
And if you're always so intently listening
Then the smartest thing to say
Is to tell myself not to say a thing

Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
To bit my tongue

I said I'm always close-minded
With an open mouth
And the worst of me
Seems to come right out
But I've never broken bones
With a stone or a stick
But I've conjured up a phrase
That can cut to the quick

And sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
And the smartest thing to say
Is to tell myself to keep

Quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I destroyed

And when I finally do
Let it come from you
The peace of understanding grips my soul
You're the reason I
Have meaning in this life
Is so I swallow all my pride
And give you control
I give it all to you

And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I destroyed
And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Bite my tongue

Again

It's Friday again, and I am sad to report that I have no major news yet. Oh well. Patience is a virtue, right? This week's Friday Five 2.0 question comes from yours truly. Enjoy.

The Question:

When was your last slacker day, as in a day you did absolutely nothing on the to-do list? What should you have been doing? How did you justify it? What did you do instead?

Jen:

Unfortunately, I don't have as many slacker days as I would like to have! I would have to say my latest slacker day actually turned into several in a row. Both os my kids (ages 3 and 7) got H1N1 at the same time few weeks ago. Over the course of 9 days, there were 3 trips to the doctor, but other than that we pretty much did nothing. We all 3 stayed in our pajamas for days. We laid around watching tv. I even ordered "on demand" movies for the first time EVER. Aside from them feeling awful, it was actually sort of nice to have a reason to just stay home and not go anywhere. The party ended once they felt good enough to be crabby and get on eachother's nerves, but still sick enough to have to stay home. Argh. Then it got ugly and I turned back into my list-making self.

Cory:

last saturday i was having a slacker day. i needed to do some research for my Arabic midterm, but I really did nothing on my list. i needed a personal day to sort out some personal issues. so i laid in bed all day - literally until 7ish at night. and i figured some stuff out. which brought up more questions, but it was really good. sometimes i need to plum the depths of what's going on after i spend weeks and months not dealing with things.

sorry to be vague. but that's what i've got!

Rachel:

I do not really know. Three weeks ago I went hiking with some friends from school and accomplished absolutely no school work that day. I justified it as personal enrichment, which is necessary to be a sane person. I had books to read, papers to write, rooms to clean, runs to take, and much more. It was worth it!


Lissie:

here you go guys...sorry for the wordiness again! =/ it's my illness


like rachel, i honestly don't know either! on this roller-coaster of unemployment, my days seem to blur together. any day i don't spend hours job searching or writing cover letters feels like a slacker day. unfortunately, it usually makes me feel guilty or results from having a bad day.
additionally, the element of playing hooky is a big part of the thrill for me and that's not available to me right now...at least not in the sense that i like most.

my favorite slacker days are those in which i prepare lesson plans for a "sick day", call for a sub the night before, sleep in, enjoy a carby breafast and then do whatever. i. want. this still might be something from my list but it's cause i want to, not have to.
and i never feel guilty or worry about my class. i trust that the sub will be able to handle things fine and we can make up anything she doesn't get to. frankly, i don't get the teachers who worry and think that's an issue they need to work on. =P plus, my mama instilled a strong appreciation for mental health days when i was just a youngin' and i think everyone would be happier to embrace the same.

wednesday actually had all the elements except hooky and it was delightful. i had pancakes for breakfast, blogged, did some homework, enjoyed a thai lunch, squatted at b&n to read a text for class (and had time to peruse while i waited for my ride home), scared myself to death by following chris onto his roof, bbq'd and drank wine, watched some tv, and went to the movies spur of the moment to use an expiring gift card.


Me:

The question came to me purely because I was having a slacker day. I hurt my back this week and was told by my boss I didn't have to come to staff meeting this Thursday so I took that opportunity to do a whole lot of nothing. I played on my computer, painted my toes, watched a whole lot of HGTV, took a bath, and laid under a blanket on the couch. I told myself as I looked at the laundry, cleaning, and church work, that I was simply following the orders of my boss to rest and recoup. Then as I was about to start working on dinner, my mother called and invited me out to eat. So I happily put the chicken back in the freezer. All in all a delightful day. My back feels much better and my toes are an awesome shade of purple, just perfect for halloween without being too obviously halloween.


Feel free to answer in the comments!

Enjoy the weekend!

Friday

Time for another Friday 5 2.0. I hope to have some exciting stuff to post in the next couple of weeks, but until then you may have to settle for Friday 5's.

The Question:

When was the last time you stayed up all night or most of the night? How was school or work the next day? What's your stay-coherent technique on days like that?

The Answers:

Jen:

I thought I was going to have to write about a few months ago when both of my kids alternately puked all night, but, alas, I remembered a more recent late-nighter that is much happier and less gross. =)
Our church has an annual girls retreat at Log Country Cove near Marble Falls. 20 or so log homes are rented for the weekend, and there are 10-18 women assigned to each one. There is a "hostess" (who makes contact with each of the women assigned to her cabin before the retreat and generally keeps the weekend moving along) and a "presenter" (who presents the actual teaching sessions planned for the weekend). I have served as a hostess for two years now, but this year held a bit of a surprise. =)
I got my list of ladies in my house a couple of weeks before the retreat, and there were only a couple on the list who I didn't already know. One was "Mary Smith", and her contact info was all the same as my presenter's info. I thought that was a little wierd, but my presenter told me she was a friend from out of town and that she would forward any correspondance from me to her.
Soooo, we all arrive at the retreat on a Friday (this was about 3 weeks ago), and a car full of girls pull up to our cabin, As I walk over to give them a hard time about taking so long to get there, etc, I notice that one of the girls in the car looks eerily like one of my best friends, Jenna Spears. But Jenna lives in Atlanta. As I got closer and realized it actually WAS Jenna, I laughed and cried and exclaimed "shut UP!!" all at the same time.
All that to say, that night was pretty much a school-girl slumber party. We stayed up till the wee hours of the morning chatting and laughing. And then my ridiculous body decided it should still wake up at 6:30am in the spirit of routine.
My coping mechanism the next day was pretty much to just keep the adrenaline going. I SOOOO could have used a nap, but instead rented a boat with a bunch of girls and went skiing for the first time ever. I even did a backflip off the boat (just to prove that I really AM still young and hip.... or something...).
There came a point that night when I hit the wall though. I pretty much knew that if I didn't go to bed right then, I was either going to get really mean or be reduced to tears over nothingness. So, off to bed I went, followed by Jenna, where I feel asleep in the middle of a conversation. =)

Cory:

well, as it happens, i stayed up most of the night last night. sadly, no Ladies/80s, but i helped a friend move some furniture and talked, then i went home stayed up watching movies on AMC with way too many commercial breaks. i just can't not watch Stargate...

my coping techniques are going to be drinking lots of water, and since it's friday, i might put some music on at work. i will probably hit the breakroom coffee machine a few times too.


Rachel:

I got 2.5 hours of sleep on Monday morning after getting home from Manhattan at 2 a.m. My pals and I went to see David Bazan at the Bowery Ballroom. He didn't start until 11 p.m.! That's late for us old people! The show was super awesome, and it was totally worth exhaustion throughout the next day. We drank coffee on the car ride home and so I didn't get to sleep until 3:30. I was up by 6 to write more on my paper and to get to an 8:30 a.m. class. Woooo!

My stay-awake plan: drink lots of water, drink lots of green tea, don't rely on coffee, eat very little sugar and eat light meals. Sugar makes me get really tired. Oh - stretch a lot, too.

Lissie:

the last time i stayed up all night, or practically all night, was two thursdays ago for my cousin's bachelorette party. we got in and slept for about 3 hours before we were up and running for day-before-wedding festivities and prep.
the next day wasn't awful like going in to teach kindergarteners has been after an all nighter. i had enough shots of espresso and family drama to get me through the day. it was saturday that i paid the price. word to the wise: don't spend 8 hours walking around and dancing in 3 inch heels if you have to wear heels at all in the following week. your feet will hate you!


Kimi:

The last time I stayed up all night was last March. I had gone to see Dirty Dancing on stage in Chicago that day and then ended up talking in my friend's (now boyfriend's) apartment until about 6:30. This was a Saturday night. I do unfortunately work on Sunday mornings because I work at a church. So I drove straight from his apartment to my church which took about 1 hr due to the nasty road conditions. It was one of my busier days at work so I was running the entire time, but I remember very little of that day, except several kids telling me that I looked really really bad and asking me if I was sick. I got home from church around noon and then slept until 5:00PM, when I headed out with him again to see another movie.