Terror

I must post about this because it was without a doubt one of the most incredible, terrifying, and fulfilling moments of my life. However, I understand that it will mean little to nothing for most of the population. I will try my best to convey the true depth and meaning as I go along, but I know it will not matter to most.

So here is some background to make the story more understandable to those who know little of the world I have pushed myself into.

An interview with Ray Rivers in a dance magazine

Other background, I am the newest person to attend Ray's group classes. Compared to everyone else, I am extremely new. Most have them have been dancing for 3+ years. I am right at 8 months.

Okay, and the story begins.

I went to the doctor yesterday about my shoulder. He poked and prodded so much that by the time it hit 7:30, I was in some pretty excessive pain. But Ray was in town and he is simply amazing, so I went to the studio anyway. I arrive at the studio about ten minutes early and I begin stretching out my arm and shoulder to try to alleviate some of the pain and get ready to dance.

Now suffice it to say that Ray Rivers does not know my name. I am a nobody to him. I am basically the only one who attends his group lessons who has never taken a private lesson with him. That is not to say that I am not interested, I would love to, I just can't get the $150 dollars necessary to do it.

He calls us out to the floor. I walk out on the floor and stand next to my friend Debbie. Ray looks right at me and smiles and points at me then does the same to Debbie. I think, "that was odd, but I have been here a lot now, he must be starting to recognize my face." We start with the Rumba warm-up exercise. Which is a fairly simple exercise in and of it self, but as you add technique to it, it gets rather challenging. When we have finished. He applauds us and says we have come a long way.

Next he says, "How many of you have done the dig-a-dig with me in Swing?". Not one to call attention to myself, I waited to see if anyone else would fess up to not knowing it. Finally, one person fessed up and I remained silent. This exercise is developed to enforce putting heavy weight down into the ball of your foot as you do each of the steps in East Coast Swing. (Basically, point your foot in the air and slam it down into the floor as hard as possible. making sure that only the ball of your foot comes into contact with the floor. Then repeat 100+ times alternating feet.) So needless to say this is a high impact activity. He has us hunch over as well to create an exaggerated form of shoulder shaping and we all look like linebackers in the mirror.

We finish the swing and he says,"Everybody against this wall, we are going to do the samba." Now, Chris and I practice this exercise fairly regularly, so I am not as panicked now as I used to be. He explains the steps and I am zoning in on his feet so I can correct my foot articulation while he is teaching the basic steps. We do that several times and he says that is looking better as well.

Now, he says, "Gentlemen on this side, ladies on that side, its time to do the whompacha" Everyone sort of groans as we separate and Ray is enjoying our fear. This is without a doubt one of the most challenging patterns I have ever learned. It is designed to make you count and consistently change rhythms in cha cha. It is extremely important to have the correct technique and foot articulation or it is impossible to do the complex steps at the correct tempo. Then he says while smiling at April, "April told me this has reached near perfection."

He then calls for Eliza to come up to demonstrate with him.

April then says, "No, I said Debbie and Kim are at near perfection." Fortunately Ray interrupted April in laughter after Debbie's name and did not hear my own. Ray gets this look on his face and says, well then, "We will have Chris and Debbie demonstrate it for us." Everybody laughs and I lean over to Debbie and say how glad I am he didn't hear my name. Just as I finish that statement, John the owner of the studio speaks up.

"Kim and I practice this every Friday. She is really near perfection."
My jaw drops. I turn bright red and stare at John with a look of shock, terror, and nausea. Then I quickly drop my head. Everyone in the class now joins in, in agreement that I am capable. I am now staring intently on the floor. I hate attention. Hate it. I know that that doesn't coincide well with my passion, but I hate it.

Then I hear Ray say, "Ok, Eliza, back in line. John and Kim will demonstrate it for us." I nearly throw-up. I look up at John he is bright red and laughing at my reaction. Eliza is still standing in the center. Nobody has taken Ray seriously. Ray repeats his directions. "Eliza back in the line, let's go John." Eliza moves back into the line and John steps forward into the middle. I am frozen to my spot in the corner with my head down. Then Ray says my name and I look up at him, "Kim, come out here." I breathe out an expletive and head out to the floor with my head down. I get into position with John. Ray is talking, I have no idea what he is saying. I look up at John and tell him I am going to kill him. He laughs. He is bright red. I remember wondering why he is red. It felt like five minutes of me standing in the middle.

Then I realize I have a problem. I look up at John and say, "I can't remember the first part." He said, "Me neither. No, I'm just kidding. Sorry." Then I hear Ray say, "Ok, starting on the second 4 and 1." He starts counting and off we go. I get through the first third without any mistakes, a little wild, but no mistakes. He says, "So far so good." I get through the second third with no mistakes and little more control and styling. He says, "Still good." I finish it up. No mistakes, a little wild on that last turn, but still pretty solid. I turn around immediately and head back to my corner as people are applauding me. I then hear Ray say, "Great job, you got it." Debbie congratulates me. Saying, "I could have never done that, that was perfect." I get a few more similar comments and I try to regulate my breathing and get the lump out of my stomach.

Now, let me explain why this is such a big deal. Ray is without a doubt the best dancer I have ever seen. That includes pro shows at comps and internet videos. That is enough of an intimidation factor right there. Now, the whompacha is an exercise he created and designed. The improve timing issues and foot articulation. I know that as he is watching me do the steps, he knows exactly what issues lie in the exercise. Where it is supposed to be difficult and the exact way he wants it danced. I am also the least experienced dancer there, by at least several months and I am the one selected to dance this in front of Ray. In trying to explain this last night to mom, I said it is like having Jesus ask you to explain the more complex parts of the bible to Him. Or Da Vinci watching you paint a replica of his paintings and asking you why you are using those specific brush strokes.

So we work through the whompacha. I have now calmed down enough that I can think a little and try to improve my technique as he is teaching the steps to others. While this is going on, another female student comes up to me and says, "Can you teach me the footwork since you know all of it?" I say, "I guess assuming she meant later." Then she looks down at my feet waiting to begin. I say, "Now?" She answers yes. I say "No, I'm not going to do it right now. Ray is talking and he will want us to start with our partners again soon." She goes back to her partner. I look down at my watch and say aloud, "9:01, thank heavens." My partner laughs, and says "don't worry its almost over."

We practice it one more time with that partner and I make a run for my old familiar chair in the corner. I am stopped one step away from leaving the floor by the person who asked for me help. She says, "Ok, will you show me now?" Keep in mind that April and Eliza are also within 5 feet and could have been asked to help her considering they are teachers. I again say, "Now?" thinking I would be much less apprehensive to do this if Ray was not around. She pulls me out to the floor and I begin to teach her. All the while, Ray is looking on. Half way through explaining it, John, who is helping another student right behind me grabs my arm and says, "Can I borrow you for a second." So I help John demonstrate a point for another student (again April and Eliza are within 5 feet, not busy with anything). Then I go back to helping the other student. Again, Ray is watching me as I teach it. I run through it twice with her, she is shaky, but I am still having heart palpitations and really want to get off the floor. So I race over to my chair and sit down and begin to change my shoes. As the student John was helping walks out he says to me in a joking tone, "Let me know when your next group lesson will be." I hang my head down and try to hide.

Up walks Chris and says, "Do either of you want to practice?" I shrug, the other students says nothing, so he says, "Kim, you teach her the female part and we'll all work on it together." So I put my shoes back on and head out to the floor again. Now, I am supposed to demo several times with Chris while the other students follows behind me. She is still struggling so we work through a couple of the more difficult patterns. I tell her she should try it with Chris and I'm thinking that I will do it in front of her so she call follow me and I can work on my technique. But Chris suggests that I watch her and tell her where they are messing up. Now, I have been placed in a full teaching position by two fellow students. So I watch and critique and by the time we are done she is at least managing to do all of the footwork pretty much in time.

She takes off because it is now 10:00 PM and Chris asks me to stay and run through the Samba thing. Ray has been watching me teach his exercise and now watches me work through another one of his with my practice partner. Finally, I am allowed to get off the floor and stay off the floor. I change my shoes again. Ray comes out of the back room and asks me, "Did you hit John yet?" I reply, "No, but I plan on it." Ray heads into the bathroom and I remind John of my nervous stomach that he teased about so badly before the showcase. I told him that the reason I couldn't remember the first step was because all I could think about was wanting to throw up. He then says to me, I would not have even brought it up if there was any doubt in my mind whether you could do it or not." I say, "Well thanks for the vote of confidence, but that doesn't make the nervous stomach go away."

We are all laughing about my stomach issues when Ray exits the bathroom. John apologizes to me on the way out about my nervous stomach. To which Ray responds, "She wasn't nervous. She was good, really good." I laugh a overly loud fake laugh as if to a bad joke and we all separate and head to our cars.

Without a doubt the most intimidating moment of my life. It was definitely my worst dancing fear realized. I will never again be more scared than I was at that moment. But, I did it and I lived through it and I actually danced rather well.