Update

There has been much occurring in the last week. My roommate has made a big decision in her life and I am so proud of her. I pray that she sticks to her decision and is not swayed by circumstance. She is an amazing woman and I am grateful that God forced her into Dawn and my life. God really knows what He is doing.

I met with Mindy (Nav girl) on Friday afternoon, and we had a really good, really honest talk. Sometimes it is amazing how much you have in common with someone. It is refreshing to see someone struggling in the same way you are.

Due to Sarah's decision, I was able to sit in the presence of Travis and Laura again. Their wisdom astounds me. I am grateful that they are so willing to invest their time and their life in me and the lives of others. I am excited for my opportunity to meet with them Tuesday.

Also due to some of Sarah's issues. I have learned of some skills I was unaware that I possessed. These skills may be extremely in the near future.

Again, because of some of the events of the weekend, I have realized that a part of my life which I thought I would never put behind me. Now, finally, feels like the past instead of the present. I am not sure at what point that occurred, but I feel like it is a huge step.

I am again looking forward to the school year. I can see that God is trying to teach me how He sees me. I seem to have been informed of my identity throughout my whole life. Others tell me who I am, and what is wrong with me. As was said at the Fall Conference. The difference between guilt and shame. Guilt=I did something wrong, Shame=I am something wrong. People in my life have made me feel such shame and that is not God's desire. That is not how He sees me. I attended a workshop called "Believers position in Christ" and we were all given name tags describing how we are seen by God because of Christ. My name tag was Made Righteous. We read about what this meant and mine essentially meant, that I took on Christ's righteousness when He took on my sin, and therefore, I have been made morally right. It was during this talk when we were talking about being worthwhile, desired, and precious; that I found myself saying. I don't believe that. This shocked the crap out of me because I know all of that. However, it occurred to me that I have a head knowledge of this but not a heart knowledge. It is really easy to know "God thinks I am worthwhile" and a lot harder to believe "God thinks I am worthwhile". Anyway, so I am planning on looking into how God sees me.

I am so blessed to have the roommates that I do. I can't imagine having a better group of girls for my last year at school. A visitor this weekend who met Dawn and I for the first time said, "You all are so completely different, but you work so incredibly well together." I think that is us to a T. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and when put together we fit really well together. That is not to say that we all get along all the time. But, we address it quickly and appropriately and we are back on track. I love them both.

I think that is about it for today.

Here's a bit of homework for the readers. Who are we in Christ? Give me a single word answer for our position in Christ!

Song

This song seemed very pertinent today.

I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me

You don't define me, you don't define me.

155

I just noticed that this will be post number 155. That feels sort of like a big deal, but considering this blog has been up for more than 365 days. That seems not so much. Anyway.

The Navigator Fall Conference was amazing again. We had an amazing speaker, who on his first talk made points that spoke directly to my heart. Then on Saturday, God placed me in a workshop so that He could help me see the way He sees me. It was an incredible time of learning and fellowship. I was proud of my roommates and proud of my freshman girls. I was able to see an old friend (Mike Britton, the person who got me involved in Navs). It was a great weekend. I am delighted that I had the opportunity to go and grow. It was a great break from the stressful school environment and a time to focus totally on God and investing in the lives of others. I am blessed.

A great song from the retreat:
Grace Like Rain

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see so clearly

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing Your praise
Than when we first begun

Tribute

I decided to do a blog birthday tribute to a friend who has been there for longer than anyone else.

Carrie Liskey has been one of the few constants in my life. Through repeated heartbreak, high-school drama, college absences, siblings moving away, and the end of the Drivers as we know it, Carrie has been there through all of it. Carrie has always been there for me, whenever I needed to talk. There have been times when I have neglected our friendship and allowed my busy-ness to take priority, but even still Carrie has been a truly faithful friend and allowed me to return with open arms. Carrie, helped me to understand that Jesus could be real to me, real in my life, and my own decision. She helped my faith to develop with her unique blend of humor and wisdom. Carrie's wisdom still rings in my ear. "It's all about perspective" and "There is more to your life than the color of his shirt." While the second is vastly more specific it is still a continuation of the first. One that is oddly ringing true today. In addition to sharing her wisdom, Carrie has always been a source of encouragement. From the first time I met her, with the "Gift you Give" article after our "Not a Convict Highway Clean-Up", Carrie instilled in me a sense of self-esteem which others sought to destroy. She encouraged me in my faith and my life. Carrie has shared her home, her family, and her life with me (1 Thes 2:8). I am extremely blessed to know Carrie and to have had her invest in my life. I know she has blessed my life and the lives of many others like me.

Carrie, I know as long as you keep seeking God, He will put you where He wants you to be. I love you and you are an inspiration to me. Thanks for always being there, always listening, and always being my friend.

Patience

There is a lot going on in my life right now. Twenty-three credit hours, Homework, Ballroom, Bible Study, Reach Team, and some sickness. So I am sorry for those of you waiting for an update, but you will probably have to continue to wait. I don't have time to update right now. I don't know when I will. So sorry.

Frustrated

I'm feeling a little bit stuck. As if I am caught right smack in two different lives. I am beyond ready to shed off my old life. I am done with that era and ready for the future. I feel as though the only way I can shed the old life is to move forward. However, I don't seem to be able to move forward. I keep waiting for some change, but nothing is coming. Oh well. Trust in the Lord. He'll do whatever He wants with my life. In the mean time, I'm here. Waiting.

Back

Well, I am back at school and I am really looking forward to the upcoming semester. There are some amazing opportunities which I am eager to grab a hold of. I am hopeful and glad to be back!

Wisdom

JESUS WEPT

Childhood

For some unknown reason, I have decided to watch numerous videos of my childhood. I discovered a great thing. I have had a movie since I was the age of four on the same tape. This tape was recorded from the TV and I know I have seen it at least about 30 times in the last 5 years. So this video, is sixteen years old. Crazy. It is by far one of my favorite movies and always makes me laugh. The movie? "Who's In Charge Here". It's a ventriloquist and he is so talented and so funny. So in the family videos, I have made a puppet the same way he teaches you how to make on the tape. It was so funny to see it.

So I am watching it as I write. Here's a quote for you:

"What's that?"
"It's your arm"
"Keep it."
"I can't keep your arm."
"It's alright, I'm a punk, I can take it."



Previously, to this trip down memory lane, mom and I watched "Big Top Pee Wee". It's funny how much of the short quips I remember and are a part of my normal vocabulary. However, I guess I didn't realize as a kid just how weird Pee Wee Herman is. Oh well. Fun trips down memory lane. Thought I would share it with you.

Smile

I am at Epworth to nanny during Senior High Institute, in case any of you were unaware.

Epworth is my happy place. I feel peaceful and at home when I am here. I am familiar with almost everything here and have fond memories from every corner of this camp ground. I love to be here.

This week has added to new memories from previously unexplored areas of camp. We are staying in a SWEET cabin which I have never before been privledge to live in. It is beautiful and has an amazing view of the lake. It is air conditioned and huge. And best of all I can sit all the way up on my bunk because it is tall enough for an adult person.

My experiences this week have been in the joy of children. I have been a personal nanny to the newest Liskey child, Liam. He is a beautiful, peaceful, and fun baby. He smiles in his sleep and loves to be held above all other things. The other three children, Jack, Lucy, and Tate, are a wonderful joy as well. Lucy will often look at me and just smile for no reason and it makes my heart smile. The other night I was fortunate enough to be asked to lay with her while she went to sleep. She curled up against me and asked me to rub her back. She laid there like an angel and was soon peacefully asleep. Tate is full of crazy antics which makes me laugh and is just ridiculously cute. Today he wanted some watermelon like Jack and Lucy, so he came to find me. I had just prepared to get in the shower when I hear, "kimi....Kimi....KIMI.....KIMI.....KIMI...." It is always a joy to hear your name pronounced by a two year old. Its so cute. Jack is pretty much the best big brother to the other three you can imagine. He takes care of everybody, making sure everyone is safe and everyone is treated fairly. When he wants a snack he'll ask for some for Lucy and Tate too because he knows they will want some when they see his. He is remarkably mature and intelligent for his age. When trying to spell to the other adults so the kids won't understand, Jack almost always figures out what we are saying. I have even taken to spelling to him to explain stuff that the other kids shouldn't hear. For example, "We won't watch the m-o-v-i-e right not because Tate needs to n-a-p." So intelligent!

Anyway, I have enjoyed my time with the kids and thought you should know about it. I will likely not be online anymore because I don't have nearly as much free time as I thought, and I like it that way.