Purdue

For all of you who want to know what it is like to go to a secular school when you turn twenty-one, I will give you a brief glimpse.

From PUSH (Purdue University Student Health) - I received a letter telling me to try not to die on my twenty-first birthday along with a nifty wallet card explaining what to do in case I overdose on alcohol.

From Hilltop (My University Residence Hall) - I received a sucker and a birthday card telling me not to let myself die on my twenty-first birthday.

From Purdue - I received a very long fact sheet about the dangers of alcohol and they also told me that 21 shots in 21 minutes is not a tradition, its just plain stupid.

Apparently, I am supposed to go out an get wasted tonight. Thanks Purdue for making sure I got the memo in time.... (for those of you who can't tell, this is dripping with sarcasm)

Granted, I am glad that Purdue is taking time to warn people. But it is a sad state of affairs that this even needs to happen.


By the way, thank you for all of the birthday wishes I received today!

Year

A year ago today.....

My life changed a great deal a year ago today. I went through a great deal. I think it is important to reflect. Reflect, not dwell.

Just wanted to take a minute to reflect.

I had typed a lot, but I think it is better to provide everyone time to reflect.

Flu

I'm all done with the flu. It is official! I ate my first chocolate chip waffle this morning and I do not feel any nasty side effects! SWEET! Still, not as good as Ben Liskey's chocolate chip pancakes, but its the closest I can get. Anyway, I've decided I am going to be healthy this week. After two (week long) illnesses, I am excited to not be sick and not go to PUSH! Hooray!

School

Well, today is the first day of school.... Again....

So, I thought I would add some lyrics to some school related songs!

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!

-The Wall, Pink Floyd


Back to school!
Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool!
I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight,
I hope I don't get in a fight!
Ohhhh, back to school!
Back to school!
Back to school!
Well, here goes nothing!

-Billy Madison

Someone please save us, us college kids
What my parents told me is what i did
They said go to school and be a college kid
But in the end I questioned why I did

I'm poor, I'm starving, I'm flat broke, I've got no cash to spend
Sell all my books for front row tickets to Dave Matthews band
My girlfriends at another school I know this year will test her
I called, found out she had 3 other boyfriends last semester

[Chorus]And that's why I say
Oh no, not for me, not for me
Call it torture, call it university
No, arts and crafts is all i need
I'll take calligraphy and then I'll make a fake degree

-College Kids, Relient K

Back when I was in third grade
I woke up late for school one day
I ran around trying to get dressed
I left the house with my hair a mess

I got to class
I was met with a shock
The teacher stood and pointed at the clock
And said "Show and tell, you're the last one left.
You'd better go or you'll get an F."

Got up in front of the whole class
I was sweaty, nervous, thinkin' fast
I had not brought anything to show
So I thought I'd tell the kids what they needed to know-oh!

(Chorus)Took my heart to show and tell
So all the kids could see inside, I
Took my heart to show and tell
And now they know I've got Christ in my life (x2)

I told them Jesus was my best friend
He's there for me to hold my hand
I said that he'd do the same for you
If you'd just believe that he's true

-Show and Tell, Relient K

Disgust

I have another adventures in retail story.

A woman came up to the register looking rather sheepish the other day. The magazine she was purchasing was upside down. This is not really out of the ordinary because many people will turn their merchandise which ever way they think the scanner works (The difference between a scanner gun and a surface scanner). So I didn't really think too much of it. I flip over the magazine and it is the December issue of Playboy. I must have given some sort of look, although I tried desperately to hide my surprise at a woman purchasing this item. She rather sheepishly at first but then with some amount of anger said, "My husband was angry Christmas morning when he realized I did not get him his annual Christmas surprise." Now, I do not know what my expression was at this point, but I was beyond disgusted. That a man would not only accept one from his wife, let alone ask his wife for a Playboy is beyond my imagination. Then, even worse, this man had the gall to be angry at his wife when she did not deliver his porn.

I try not to have a cynical view of men. I know not all men are like this despicable character. However, it is the actions of these few men (animals is more like it, for they do not even deserve such a title as men) that make me terrified of marriage. I know many Christian men exist that are pure-hearted, loving, and selfless. My hope and prayer for all of the women I know is that we may avoid, resist, and even flee from any man that is less then the aforementioned standard. That we may not put ourselves out into the world to "date" around with someone who is any less than someone with these standards. It is too easy to fall into a relationship because you are lonely or need some companionship. Then before you realize it, you are not the one in control of yourself. You are not in the relationship for companionship. You are stuck and you cannot get out. So you wind up buying this person porn, though every fiber of your being tells you not to and you hate yourself for allowing your self to be pushed into this act. Women, do not let yourselves fall victim to some stupid boy who is any less than the perfect man which God has ordained for you. Do not let your hearts be trampled upon by some narcissistic boy. Wait for God's man who will allow you and even help you to become the strong, beautiful (interior), and holy women you were designed to be.

For those of you, who have already experienced a relationship as seen the sad example from my job. Do not fear. I know the feeling, I understand that you believe you have too much baggage for anyone to ever be able to overcome. I know you have gotten to the point where you hide from relationships because you don't want someone else to have to deal with your crap. You'd rather save them from the pain of trying to overcome all that you have tried and failed to overcome for all these years. But, if you are able to somehow trust another male figure. God, can take you and break down your walls. He can soften your scar hardened heart. And he can take away your baggage, one pound at a time. He can heal your wounds. He will be the love you have always longed for and at some point, when you are most satisfied in him. He will bring the man he intended into your life and this man will be a tangible example of the love of God. I do not want to say that I have reached this point, although it may improve my credibility if I had. But, I am deep in the trenches and I will fight my way out along side of any other women who is fighting. With a powerful and, above all, loving God we can still be healed.

I will finish with some song lyrics. I pray that for most women, that you would see these lyrics and learn from them, so these lyrics will never be such a representation of your life as they have been for mine.

"Stupid Boy"

Well, she was precious like a flower

She grew wild, wild but innocent

A perfect prayer in a desperate hour

She was everything beautiful and different

Stupid boy, you can't fence that in

Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind

She let her heart and soul right in your hands

And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans

She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens

When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't

Stupid boy, stupid boy

Oh

So what made you think you could take a life

And just push it push it around

I guess you build yourself up so high

You had to take her and break her down

She let her heart and soul right in your hands

And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans

She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens

When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't

You stupid boy

Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost

The only thing that ever made you feel alive

Yeah, yeah

Well, she let her heart and soul right in your hands

And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans

Yes, ya did

She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens

When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't

You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old

Same old stupid boy

It took awhile for her to figure out she could run

But when she did, she was long gone

Long gone, long gone

Retail

Adventures in Retail

Twas a few days before Christmas and all through the store, the shoppers were scurrying and collecting their gifts. When all of sudden mid-transaction, a man at the next register said hello. Okay, that is enough "Twas the Night"ing..... So we are insanely busy at the register and I am working with this lady on a rather complicated order, when the customer at the next register says, "ma'am? hi". I say hi back and think uh-oh. So I continue with my transaction, trying to look as busy as possible, then he says "what's your name?" I say Kim. It is now fully decided that this will not end well. I continue with my transaction, trying to forget that he is staring at me. I'm struggling to pay attention to what is going on in my transaction. Next thing I know, he asks me if I am "seeing anyone". I say no (I don't want to lie, so I just sort of breathe out the no) and continue with my transaction. I was hot before and I am now on fire due to embarrassment. The fellow employee that I kid around with who is working below me at my feet is now snickering with delight at my situation. The guy now says, "Can I give you my number". In as un-encouraging tone as I can make I say, "If you want." I go back to my transaction. Thoroughly embarrassed. He then asks for a piece of paper. I tear out some register tape and hand it to the employee next to me to give to the man. The customer I am with adds to the trauma of the situation by saying, "Ahhh, how sweet! Love is in the air!" I am now horrified at the proceedings. (Did I mention that this guy is at LEAST ten years older than me?) So "Angel" as we will call him (not for any reason other than that is reminiscent of his name) gives me the piece of paper with his name on it. I say thank you. And again continue with the transaction I am working on. He then asks for my number. My customer is smiling about how cute she thinks the whole situation is. I reply with, "I don't give mine out." He lady in front of me stops smiling. She has now realized I am not interested. He says OK and thank you and walks out. As I am writing this, I recall, that last year at my last place of employment, this same "Angel" came in the store and asked for my number. I told him at the time that I did not live in town and that I did not have a land line at my home. (I left out the information about my cell phone.) Weird. Anyway, just wanted to share some of my adventures in retail.

Yup

Yup. It's definitely the end of the semester. Things are winding down and I am finished with three classes. I didn't go to Cp for work this weekend and that was a wonderful break. I was able to go to a Rally, host an After Rally, join in making gingerbread houses on Saturday, and throw my roommate a birthday party on Sunday. It was all and all a good weekend. We had a movie night last night and we watched Superman. There was more making of Gingerbread houses and some great fellowship. I forgot just how much I missed being around my friends.

One of my high school youth leaders has finally made it down here to visit me. It was great to have him around and to show him some of my friends.

I have begun reading Pride and Prejudice. I am a big fan. I had read some of it before but I was lost in the language. However, after 10 hours devoted to watching Pride and Prejudice on Monday. The old one (6 hours, borrowed from a friend, amazing) and the new one twice (2 hours, owned by myself, and equally amazing). I am officially one of those girls. Those girls who are completely enamored with the idea of catching their own Mr. Darcy.

In talking with my roommate who is also a lover of the book. We love the witty, ornery, and almost trouble-maker aspect of Elizabeth Bennet. We see a great deal of her in ourselves. We also are amazed with the lengthy perusal of Mr. Darcy of Elizabeth. (The movies do no justice to this. Read the book if you want to see perusal.) I love this era in time and I feel as though I was born a great many years too late. (My feminist brother will be disgusted with that statement.)

That's all for now. Dinner Time.

Check

Thanksgiving is over. Is it odd to be thankful that Thanksgiving is over? I went through a large range of emotions last week. Not that the break was terrible. It wasn't. However, I do feel a certain amount of relief that the first holiday as a divorced family is over. CHECK! I feel a sense of peace that I haven't felt in a long time. As if eventually all this crap will actually go away. It's a good feeling. Happy Thanksgiving all.

Lexapro

Thoughts from the girl who forgot to take her anti-anxiety meds last night:

This is all very surreal. It feels as though.... This cannot really be my life, right?

We all got so very skilled at pretending everything was alright. Then for brief moments, we were allowed to show the truth.

However, now I find myself trying to once again pretend that everything is alright. Unfortunately, this seems to be having a negative effect of my psyche.

These are the unspecified and archaic thoughts of a girl who forgot to take her anti-anxiety meds last night.

Thanksgiving

I like my bed. It is nice and big. I like my room. It is pretty and I enjoy the colors I picked. Black is so soothing. Not really deep. Just looking for some positives.