Five

Life is much easier at the age of five.

Things which are easier or better when you are five:

• You don't have to take care of yourself when you are sick (could have used some help today).
• You can have an absolutely amazing time playing with clothes hangers, and only hangers.
• There are no complicated feelings such as love or hate.
• Everyone is your friend.
• All wounds can be healed with a kiss from mama, candy, or a little TV.
• Faith is not complicated by logic or doubts, it is just pure faith.
• Despite your outer appearance you are still ridiculously cute whatever you do.

Despite my extreme desire to be five again for at least a day,

Being almost twenty has these advantages:

• I can practice for taking care of others who are sick (I got some practice, alright!).
• I can have an absolutely amazing time talking with one of my best friends, just talking.
• The complicated feelings such as love or hate help me to further understand my relationship with Christ and what He did for me.
• Everyone may not like me, but the ones who do like me for who I am or in spite of who I am.
• All wounds can be healed by my heavenly Father. Who, no offense mom, is the best healer.
• My faith is deepened because of logic and doubts and I am able to walk closer to Christ.
• Despite my outer appearance, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

This post was meant to be a rant, but as is often the case when I am willing to listen to God. He has changed my heart. I will wait. It hurts, badly, but I will wait. And I look forward for the day when both are ready. As I sit here and remind myself again, whatever God has planned for me is far better then what I have planned for me. It may not be easier and it may not be more fun, but I trust him to take care of me. He loves me. And in that knowledge, I will be content and wait, for whatever He has planned for me. This is my ring. A symbol of my commitment to Christ above any other person, man or woman. Also the symbol of the only way for a man to reach my heart.

Just a few verse which I am clinging to.....

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

"Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:3-5

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Joshua 1:5